Behind My Blue Eyes

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I woke the next morning to my alarm. I slammed on it so it would shut up and I rubbed my eyes. They were still puffy. I was home today and my dad would arrive sooner or later. I was honestly dreading his visit. My hair was wavy and stuck up. I trudged down the stairs knowing I would have to get dressed up for my dad, but being too lazy to change now.

This is how dinner usually works. He brings home something and puts it on the table. We all sit down to eat and my sister's and I have to wear dresses or skirts. Aiden has to dress up too. Then we say a prayer for my mom which usually ends with my dad getting some liquor or wine from the cabinet. We silently eat only hearing each other chew. If we are lucky, we don't talk at all. If my dad asks questions, we have to answer him. He could thrash at you any moment if he doesn't like your response. I shuttered thinking of last time as I grabbed a bowl of cereal.

I saw Tyler and Kylie leaving to go to school, but Tessa was watching TV and actually eating breakfast. She had a bowl of fruit in her lap and I decided to join her. Her eyes were as puffy as mine yet she still had tears in hers. I pushed mine back letting a small smile creep onto my face. "Good Morning." "Hey. Isn't dad coming home tonight?"
"Yeah."
"Ugh. I hate family dinners."
"Me too."
"Ty slept over and I heard Kylie and him all night. They are like freaking monkeys! I won't be surprised if she ended up pregnant."I laughed on the inside. If she only knew that Kylie had already got knocked up.
Then she continued, "And Aiden, he seems to still be in those drugs and now alcohol. I wonder what tragic event happened, I mean other than the whole daddy issue thing, for him to be so dependent. I hope he's okay and being safe. I know a lot of that stuff is dangerous. His partying has increased , definitely." I just nodded my head.

Tessa hasn't been around much to realize all this. Now it is finally clicking. Then she added once again. "And I have anorexia. Wow. I can't believe I admitted it. I'm not fucking perfect, I'm a fucking wreck. What's wrong with you Jennie? And why aren't you going to school?"
I sighed. "I'm suspended for fighting, and I have no luck with boys or friends. Oh and I'm like barely passing."
She slightly gasped, "You fought someone?!?"
"Yeah, she's a bitch and she said shit and well, I did something about it. Sure it wasn't smart, but I put her in her place. That's for sure."
"Good for you."

It was weird hearing her say something nice and positive towards me. I knew that maybe she was just returning the favor since I comforted her last night, but it was nice to know she wasn't always a bitch.
"And also Jennie, I know I don't necessarily have the best advice being recently single, but if you have questions about guys. Ask me. Also, thanks for giving me mom's letter. It really helped." Then she got up and went upstairs.

Later that day, Tessa decided she should go to school and face Brandon, or avoid him. Probably avoid him. Being suspended sucked. I wanted to face Stella and show her that I won, but I hadn't. She got Garrett and the victory. Yet, I did break her nose. Mwhaha. I went up to my room to look for what I'd wear for dinner. My dad had told me to be ready by 5:30 pm.

I searched my neat closet, and then messed it up by throwing all my dresses hanging up, on the floor. All the clothes I owned were either brand new or my sister's old stuff. Kylie and Tessa love shopping and they would take me, but now they go with friends and I get the stuff they grow out of. My eye catches a dress that I bought with Kylie a few months ago. It was strapless and silver with a black ribbon around the waist. I snatched it out of my closet and decided to take a shower.

I felt gross and I needed the warm water to hit my body. As the water soaked my wavy hair and ran down my back, I shivered and then relaxed. The water made everything calmer. It made me relax my muscles, and I just let the rain pour on my exposed skin. My mind focused only on the hot water hitting my skin. I washed my hair massaging my scalp and steadied my breathing. I soothingly washed the rest of my body too, covering it with a vanilla scent. My vanilla body wash always reminded me of my mom.

It was the reason I always used it besides the fact that it smelt good. It reminded me that no matter how long she has been gone, she is always connected to me in some way. Honestly, I will never stop missing her. When a person you love leaves this world, a part of you dies. Some people are better at moving on and facing the loss. Other people like my father and now Aiden, can't bear the pain of losing that piece of their heart.

I was shivering when I got out of the shower. I grabbed my towel and headed to my room. My bathroom is connected to my room. I have a pretty big house. We had moved in here when I was 2. My dad hasn't done anything to it since my mom died. I remember when my siblings and I bought a new chair and he made us return it because it "wasn't what my mom would've wanted" in her living room.

I just think my father doesn't like change. We all wish that nothing ever happened to her, but it did. I spent the rest of my day looking at old pictures until I heard movement downstairs. I ran down there afraid that someone broke into the house.