Breakup Helpline [#2 of the Helpline Trilogy]

3: 44 p.m

"I can't believe you're leaving in a week." 

"Wait, I am?" 

"Yeah, today is the 7th of February."

"No...it isn't-oh fuck. It is! And I haven't even packed half of my shit!"

"Serena, do you know that you're moving there, like, in a week?! Where's your organisation skills?"

"Up my ass, that's where they went! UGH...I have a shit load of packing to do...whatever, I'll just pull in late nights."

"Or maybe you just delay your move a little. I mean, you can just go a little later...and besides that means we get to talk."

"Aww, does Franklin wants some Serena time? Shush before Jessica finds out..."

"Jessica and I broke up just yesterday night."

"What? And you didn't even tell me? Dammit, Franklin, next time tell your homegirl straight away."

"First of all, don't ever say that. Second...it's just...it's not that big of a deal. I mean, Jessica and I weren't that big of a thing. We were on like four dates only and I realize I wasn't that in to her, y'know?" 

"Really? I thought you guys would last...considering, y'know, you have a thing for super basic white girls."

"What? She's not a basic white girl! Jessica doesn't even like Starbucks."  

"Sadly, Jessica's parents also doesn't have an ounce of creativity when it comes to naming children. I mean, what did they do? Pick that name out from the book called the Most Boring Children Names In All of History? For fuck's sake- at least get drunk when you're out of ideas."

"What? Serena, that's terrible parenting." 

"Why? That's what my mom did."

"She shouldn't be!"

"Well, could you blame her? Her husband just left her, she got fired and her best friend turned out to be a bitch, not to mention she had to look forward to eighteen years of raising me alone- nightmare, by the way.  If I were her, I wouldn't just get drunk. I take like a whole bottle of Xanax just to get the edge off." 

"How are you not dead?" 

"Because I'm a motherfucking Goddess, that's why. I'm immortal. Bow down to me and shit." 

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