The Bitch You Killed

Chapter Forty Two

Song of the chapter is 'Born to Die' by Lana Del Rey

CHAPTER FORTY TWO

Time felt like it stood still as I continued to look up at my brother. I couldn't help the feeling of despair that washed over me as I thought of how this was all my fault. I had forced him into this and now it was too late to go back. I was no better than Mackenzie.

   "Oh god, Chase I've been so stupid," I howled as I turned away from him and dragged my body down towards the staircase.

   "Shh," he hissed out as he closed the door tight, "what are you talking about?"

   "I shouldn't have forced you into this and now it's too late to go back," I said lowly as I followed him down the stair case like a forlorn puppy.

Without stopping, Chase made his way to kitchen and went directly to the fridge and pulled out six pack of beer and setting them on the marble counter.

"I'm so sorry Chase, but we need to get out of here. Oh God, what about Marie - oh she's going to be heartbroken when she finds him," I said, shrinking back at the thought of Caleb's mother calling up the stairs with no answer and investigating only to find him slumped over on his bed.

"Chase we need to leave you don't have time to pour yourself a drink! Caleb is upstairs on his way into a coma and I know that's traumatic but this is no time for alcohol!" I stated firmly as I watched him put the glass with the beer in it up to his lips.

"He's not dead."

"Chase you need to - wait, what?"

Chase took another mouthful of the putrid liquid and lowered the glass slowly, "I haven't given him the pills yet."

Shock pulsed through me but oddly enough I didn't feel as gleeful at the fact Caleb was still alive as I should have.

"So he's upstairs right now... Waiting on you to get him a beer," I muttered as I took in the image in front of me. Sometime during my rambling Chase had pulled out two beer cans and two pint glasses.

"Not yet," he repeated, putting emphasis on the time phrase.

"You can't give the drugs to him," I stated quickly, "I shouldn't have tried to make you, it was totally ignorant and selfish of me to put that amount of guilt on your conscious. I don't want to lose you and if I make you do this I will."

Chase blinked at me for a couple of seconds, "what if I want to do this?"

I replied without missing a beat, "you're not that person, Chase. I know you - you aren't Mack or Tyler, you aren't the sort of person to be able to kill someone without batting an eyelid. This will haunt you for the rest of your life and it will be worse than just having me constantly talking in your ear," I finished using his own words and giving him a sorrowful look.

Chase pursed his lips before clearing his throat, "you're right. I didn't want to do it. I was just doing it because it was what you wanted."

His words stirred something inside of me. This was what love was - okay so being prepared to kill someone because you love your sister is a slightly misguided type of love, but the sentiment was there.

"Don't do it. Go upstairs and make an excuse and we'll leave. It took me so long to realise that Caleb doesn't need to die for me to get revenge because that makes me no better than the rest of them. I need to learn something from this experience, right?" I asked rhetorically as I tried to figure out if I was right. Murdering him made me no better than Tyler and murdering him by manipulating Chase into doing it made m no better than Mackenzie. Is that how I wanted Chase to remember me? The answer was no. I wanted Chase to associate me with vitality and laughter, not just death.