I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have To Kill You (Killua x Reader)

Chapter 30- Realisation x And x Awkwardness

It was seven in the evening, and I was on my way to the park. The cold wind blew against my face, making me shiver. All o thought about was what would be awaiting me once I got there. I was being stupid and careless and a part of me knew that if something did happen the truth would eventually come out, but Tia's words kept swirling around in my head.

"It's good to let loose once in a while."

I gulped. She was wrong. I shouldn't have come here. But I can't just stand Chris up. That would be even worse than doing something that I regretted. I stopped just outside the park and took a long, deep breath. Checking my watch, I could see that I was exactly on time. I stepped inside the park and immediately spotted Chris leaning against the wall on his phone. I slowly walked over to him and tapped him on the shoulder, biting my lip. He turned to face me and smiled.

"So you've finally caught on, huh?" I felt my face burn as a nodded, still not making direct eye contact with him.

"I guess you could say that..." I saw his smile get even wider. That's when he leaned in and kissed me. My eyes widened at the gesture, but for some reason I couldn't work out, I kissed back. It felt wrong, in a way. Like we didn't fit together. I wished the person in front of me could be Killua, but it wasn't. This was someone I wasn't in love with. That's when I finally realised.

I was cheating on Killua.

For some reason I'd managed to push that thought to the back of my mind, but it had finally surfaced. What I was doing wasn't just stupid. It was wrong.

An image of him smiling at me popped into my head suddenly. His blue eyes almost glistened in the sunlight and his messy white hair blew in the wind (AN: like the picture I put at the beginning^-^). I thought about everything he'd done for me, and just how much he trusted me. And this is how I was repaying him. By breaking that trust. I knew he would never do something like this to me.

I abruptly broke our kiss, stepping backwards and shaking my head.

"Chris, this is wrong. I have to go." He began walking towards me and grabbed my shoulders, frowning.

"Come on, just stay for a bit longer." I shook his hands off continuing to shake my head.

"We should have never have done this." I said angrily. He put his hands up and raised his eyebrows.

"Woah, we? You're the one who wanted this, Y/n. I never forced you into anything." My eyes widened as I realised he was right. This was all my doing.

"I-I'm sorry." He sighed and took a step back, examining me.

"It's about Killua, isn't it." He said, sighing. "Just forget about him. He's obviously not coming back." I narrowed my eyes at him and shook my head in denial.

"Of course he's coming back." He took a step forward again.

"Well, even if he is wouldn't it be nice to have some fun while he's away?" He said, a suggestive smirk on his face. "Besides, it's not fair for him to keep you all for himself. Most of the boys in our school would kill to have you, you know." It took me all of my willpower not to slap him then and there.

"I'm leaving." I spun around and ran out the gates and towards Tia's house, fighting the urge to cry. I quickly and quietly went inside and straight into my bedroom, collapsing on my bed and bursting into tears. Why was I so stupid? Why do I only think about myself?

After what seemed like an eternity, I managed to cry myself to sleep.

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I woke up by Tia shaking me violently. I sat up slowly and rubbed my eyes, squinting and yawning softly. She had an excited grin on her face as she danced happily around the room.

"Huh...?" I said, confused.

"It's your birthday, stupid! Happy birthday!" She abruptly threw open her drawer and grabbed a present, handing it to me and squealing.

"I really, really hope you like it!" She said excitedly, sitting down next to me and cupping her head in her hands. I was still slightly shocked. "Go on, open it!" Blinking once, I began to tear apart the wrapping paper until I finally got to the present. It was a photo frame, with a picture of us at the park. We were laughing and having fun. I smiled to myself at the fond memory. I jumped up and pounced on her, giving her a huge hug.

"Thank you thank you thank you!" I squealed, hugging her even tighter. "I absolutely love it!" She laughed sweetly and smiled at me.

"I'm so glad!" I gave her one final hug before jumping out of bed and checking the time.

"We're gonna be late!" Tia nodded and we both got ready for school. As we were walking down, she finally broke the silence.

"What happened with you and Chris yesterday night?" She asked, raising her eyebrows at me. I immediately blushed and shook my head. How did she know?

"N- nothing! We didn't even see each other!" She gave me a shove and rolled her eyes.

"Honestly, Y/n. I was looking over your shoulder while you sent those messages. Now tell me exactly what happened." I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Well... We kissed." Tia suddenly stopped in her tracks and stared at me long and hard before marching up to me.

"What were you thinking?" She shouted in my face, causing the people around us to stop and stare. "For gods sake, Y/n! That's not what I meant! What I meant was you don't notice those things while Killua is around, so it's cool to play around with them and see what others think of you!" I blinked once before it finally hit me. Of course that was what she meant. She was laughing when she told me about it. It all suddenly clicked right into place.

"Oh my god..." I shook my head in disbelief. "I cheated on him..."

"Y/n, you have to tell him." My head snapped up at this comment, fear striking my eyes.

"W-what? No way! He probably won't realise..."

"Y/n, the thought will cross his mind if you continue acting the way you are now." She responded quietly. "Let the truth come from you, so he knows that you didn't mean to. I can see he trusts you, and if he really does care about you he'll understand." I gulped and nodded. It made sense.

"Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you." She smiled and gave me a brief hug before we continued walking to school, chatting as if nothing ever happened. I immediately felt better, but it couldn't overrun the guilt I felt.

"Happy birthday!" Nat and Jamie both ran over, giving me a hug. I smiled at them and hugged back. I looked over to see Chris eyeing me, so I just raised my eyebrows at him. He turned and walked away neutrally, making me feel even angrier.

"What's with him?" Nat asked me, frowning. I bit my lip and shrugged.

"Who knows."

AN:

Seriously though, damnit reader you're so stupid xD maybe Leorio rubbed off on you?:)

Leorio: HEY SHUT UP!

Me: hmmm?:3

ANYWAY

Thanks guys for reading this chapter and I hope you enjoyed it!^-^