Depression//Phan

-5-

||Phil's POV||

"I can try," I said to Dan.

"Phil, no. You have to promise me that you won't," Dan said to me, and I sighed.

"Okay, how about I put it this way -- I promise that I'll try not to. Better?" I asked him, and he nodded, letting out a small short sigh.

 "It's good enough," he said to me. I rolled the sleeves of my jumper back down, covering the new scars. Dan suddenly pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him back.

"Phil," he said, still hugging me. "Please don't try to kill yourself. I can't imagine a world without my best friend," he said, hugging me a little bit tighter. I let out a very quiet sigh.

"Okay," I said. But that "okay" really meant "I'll try not to." 

There was a few seconds of silence as we stayed that way. I broke the silence. 

"Dan?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Why are you so worried about me?" I asked him gently.

"Because," he replied, pulling back from the hug. "You're my best friend, Phil, and I could never have a better best friend than you. I can't control being worried about you anymore," he said, and I smiled. 

"Also, awkward question," I said to him, biting my lip a little. Should I ask him if I ruined anything between us with what happened a little while ago? Should I even bring that up? 

"What?" Dan asked me, waiting for a response. I decided not to ask him.

"Never mind, I forgot," I lied to him. Whenever I lied to Dan, I felt so guilty. But I also didn't want to tell him I lied to him, because I figured that he might get mad at me. So I just had to deal with the guilt for a while until it faded off.

Dan nodded. "Oh, okay." I grabbed a cloth, wet it with water, and began to wash the blood away from the sink, and the floor where some had dripped from my arm. Dan exited the room to do something, I guess.

After a few minutes, all the blood (which was a decent amount) was cleaned up, and I threw the dirty cloths into the laundry bin to be washed. I looked a clock that was on the wall. 

6:54 p.m. 

Wow, okay, it was getting pretty late. This day seemed to speed by like lightning. Had we even had dinner yet? If so, I didn't remember. But I think we did. And oh crap, I forgot that I was going to do a live show on YouNow tonight. 

I ran to my room, shutting the door behind me. I then yanked my laptop on top of my bed, and then opened YouNow. There was literally nothing but silence in my "discussions" tab on my YouNow account. There hasn't been anyone in here for about a week now. Not one person. 

Is anyone even going to watch my YouNow? Is this even worth attempting?

I tried anyways. I went live, and even tweeted about it and all that.

I waited 2 minutes.

0 people.

5 minutes passed...

2 people.

9 minutes passed... 

2,325 people. 

Wow, okay. I wasn't expecting that.

Immediately, the chat was blown up. All I saw were so many things. So many hateful things. Just all hate. Not one nice comment. 

WHY WON'T THE HATE GO AWAY??

"You know what, this live show is over," I muttered to myself, before ending the broadcast and closing down YouNow, and then I shut my laptop. 

I let out a scowl of frustration. I tried calming myself down, but it didn't help. I put my head in my hands, hot tears stinging my eyes. People were so mean... so cruel... this world was nothing but hatefulness. A few tears trickled down my cheeks. Then a few more... then a few more...

This hate was just getting so hard to handle and it was giving me pain... each and every day I just felt more and more pain, falling more and more into my depression as if that cement block that was dragging me deep down into the water just kept going... never ending...

That was pretty much my pain and depression -- never ending. 

By now, I was in full tears (if that just made any sense). God, I just wish this hate would end. It was getting unbearable. I just was tired of trying to stay strong, tired of it... tired of it all. 

People hated me with such a passion.

I was starting to hate myself, too... 

||Dan's POV||

Phil worried me often. With the amount of times I've heard him crying (and I know he's not just been watching a whole bunch of movies), how often he's spaced out before... he's just been worrying me. Something's not right and I want to know what. He just doesn't really seem like the Phil I know anymore, even though he's cheery and smiley and all that. I don't know though, maybe it's just the wrong type of gut feeling I'm getting.

I walked to Phil's door, and then gave it gentle knocks. 

"What?" Phil asked, his voice cracking a little bit. 

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"Yep," he said, his voice cracking again.

I took a pause for a minute.

"Phil, are you looking at your social media again?" I asked him, and then he paused.

"No. I was doing a YouNow live stream but then... yeah," he said simply.

"But it's not Sunday..." Or... is it?

"I know, but I said that I'd make up for the ones I missed. But that was before this. I tried it anyways and... ugh..." Phil stated simply. I sighed. I didn't know how to help him with how he was feeling. Maybe it was just a temporary feeling... Maybe he was temporarily upset. Maybe it'd go away after a while.

"Don't you think it'd be a good idea to try to stay off of social media?" I asked him, and then there was another pause. 

"Dan, you know that's nearly impossible for me," he said, and I laughed a bit. 

"True," I said to him. "Just..." I tried to think. 

"Just what?" 

"Just... don't try to search for the hateful messages. Okay?" I asked him.

"Okay," he replied. And with that, I walked off, back into the lounge.

A/N: Ugh I feel like Dan's POV's are really bad :p I think I'm just doing a better job at Phil's POV. But either way, I like this story. Do you guys like it? :D