I don't know how long I sat in the water with my knees against my chest and my arms wrapped around them but it's cold now. The tears didn't stop, and eventually even as I kept crying I became numb. Nothingness at that point was sweet, so simplistic and it felt nice to give in.
I could hear knocking and my name but it was hazy like a dream half forgotten.
Suddenly he was standing there and reality came crashing down again. In my shame I tried to cover up but what could I do? I've already broken, I give in again and cry afresh. I hear his soft footsteps, feel the lack of water as it drains and the warm towel. He picks me up and carries me, I'm too exhausted to do anything so when he sets me down on the bed I do nothing. He probably expects me to dry off and change but I can't. He doesn't sigh or complain. He looks at me and his eyes aren't pitiful but full of love. As he helps me he's gentle, his touch softer than you would think possible and all I can do is cry. I feel so weak. It doesn't matter to him though he pulls me against his chest so we are lying down and still no matter how I try I can't stop the tears until darkness engulfs me. Faintly ever so quiet I'm not even sure it's real I hear the soft hum of his voice "Oh my love what happened?" It's so soft and sad it's haunting.
My dreams are plagued with memories of disapproval from my parents, abandonment from others, the drunken woman insulting me, Autumn and her cruel acts. My deepest fears coming to life all in one place. The weight of it all crushing me, drowning me in grief.
I'm pulled out of it all by Andrew who was still laying with me. He shook me awake and I'm wrapped in his arms so all I see his chest. I close my eyes and for once at least I'm not crying, I'm shaking and scared but I'm not crying. Andrew gently rocks me back and forth and all I hear is the sound of his heartbeat and his constant breathing, it's like the tide steady and unchanging a constant rhythm.
We sit there for god only knows how long before he speaks. "Aria?" He only says my name but it's all that was needed. As I look up at him I realise how much I not only love him but need him.
As terrified as I am I explain everything from my mother to my concerns about the fans, my insecurities, to the drunken woman. As I talk he doesn't interrupt me or brush away any detail and when I finish he has tears in his eyes.
I'm confused as I sit in front of him, why is he crying? He gently caresses my face with his hands pulling me forward and up towards him so I'm on my knees in front of him with my hands on his shoulders to support myself. He gently kisses my forehead, and then my closed eyes, my cheeks, and finally my lips. The kiss is bittersweet from our tears and the rawness of the moment. He pulls me gently into his lap and rests his head on my head before he behind to talk. His words are gentle and don't scold me but comfort me. He tells me his past about his last relationship, we talk about our relationship and where we are heading, how we can support each other. In the end his final words to me are the most influential and I know as painful as this was even though it was bloody and raw it was sweet I swear it was. "Aria I don't know where to begin. But I need you to know how special you are. I will never want anyone else, you are my rock and I need you more than you know. You are so gorgeous and beautiful both inside and out, and no one can hold a candle to that. You're so special to me Aria and I love you. Only you Aria. Only you."
"And I love you Andrew, only you."
