Invisible

MADNESS

NO ONE’S HOME WHEN I COME BACK, the house completely empty. I guess it’s safe to cry now, safe to let every emotion out I’m feeling. Tears start flowing, and somehow the feeling comes back. My skin stings, wants to be split again. It makes the tears fall faster, the fact that I thought everything was going to be okay, that cutting was over with.

It’s still over with, really. It doesn’t work anymore.

I walk into the kitchen, open one of the drawers. Nothing but tools – scissors, pencils, moving tape, a box cutter…

I pick it up, stare at it. The blade is huge, retractable. At first I think to put it down, that it’s not worth it. But there’s always something that blocks it out.

Leave me alone, and stay the fuck away from me.

I close the drawer back, carry the box cutter upstairs. I don’t know what’s making me crave this so badly, why I’d want to cut myself over something Aiden said.

Or maybe it’s the fact that I finally decided to trust someone, finally thought that someone would listen, wouldn’t think I was lying…

Wouldn’t blame it all on me.

I walk into Aiden’s bathroom, lock the door, and stare at my reflection. I see the same girl I saw after I was raped, the same stamp across her forehead, the same dead eyes…

I stare at my wrist, use the box cutter. One tiny line, specks of blood oozing out. It wasn’t enough. Just cutting myself really isn’t enough.

I walk toward the shower, turn the water on as I plug the faucet. Then I try cutting slightly deeper, pain sprinting up my arm, to my shoulder.

Still isn’t enough.

One more time, just a little deeper, just to try to forget what he said to me.

And again, it isn’t enough.

I turn the water off, the tub half full. There’s only one thing left to do, and I know it’s strong enough to make me forget everything. I take the blade, jab it into my wrist, pull slightly. When it pulls out, blood gushes out of my arm, pain sprawling all over my body. At first, I freak out, try to cover the thin line, to stop the bleeding. I guess it’s just a natural reflex, seeing too much blood pouring out of one place. I put my arm into the water, watch as it slowly starts to turn bright pink… then darker.

The last thing I hear is the front door as it opens, no other sound present. Then I start worrying that someone will find me.

Then, as I fade, I realize it doesn't really matter.

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hmmm.... :/