Invisible

DEAD AND GONE

“SINCE WHEN WAS JEREMY EVER THAT HOT?” Anna asks as she roams through one of the stores, picking up sale items as if she had more than enough money to spend. Really, she does, but she’s never been one to try and spend it all.

I don’t remember because he’s never been hot to me.

“I have no idea,” I say as I stand back and let her choose everything. This is the first time I’ve ever seen her concentrate on shopping rather than boys…

Then again, I’m sure she’s thinking the same way about me.

“I mean, the last time I saw him he was just a jerk who was fantasizing about getting into my pants, but today? He didn’t even mention anything about sex to me.”

Why did you say he was fantasizing?

Did you see the way he looked at you?

I nod. She hands me some of her clothes, makes her way toward the dressing room. I follow her, wait outside her stall.

“Seriously, I think he’s changed… a little, at least.”

Uh… no.

 Well… yeah, actually.

 As far as I know, he hasn’t raped anyone else.

I grunt silently as she walks out of the stall, wearing one of the prettiest dresses I’ve ever seen.  It falls just below her knees, ivory clashing with her hair.

“Tie the sash for me,” she says as she walks toward me, turns away from me. I nod, tie the bow as well as I can. What can I say? When someone tells me that Jeremy’s the perfect guy, I stop concentrating.

“Do you think this’ll look good enough for Jessie’s wedding?” she asks, turning her back to the mirror, staring down at her butt. I smirk.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Good, and if she says it’s not she can kiss my ass.” She walks back into the stall, closes the door behind her. I laugh. It’s real again, which makes me laugh a little harder.

“After this, we should go to the food court,” she says, “I’m starved.”

“Alright,” I say as I calm myself down. I’m not very hungry. Lost my appetite the moment we got in the car.

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We sit at one of the tables near the windows that look out into the parking lot. She ordered a chicken sandwich, fries, large soda. I envy the way she doesn’t care about her figure. Hell, she’s not fat at all, and she’s not afraid to eat as much as she can.

I just ordered a soda. I tap my phone again. One missed call. I check the number, delete the call.

I can’t talk to him… not now.

“So, how’s everything been lately?” she asks as she bites into her sandwich. I smile, remember how we sat with each other at lunch. We’d never buy school lunch for the simple reason that it looked like it came out of someone’s ass (as Anna and I would love to say) so we’d bring our own, share whatever we had. That was fun back then, even when Jeremy would sit with us.

“Eh,” I say, “Good, I guess.”

You suck at lying.

“You?” I continue as I start drinking my soda. Cherry Coke, used to be one of my favorites. Now, I just don’t care. It wouldn’t matter to me, as long as it’s not regular Coke…

That’d be messed up…

“College is such a bitch… Our friends were so right about it… Jeremy said the guys there would suck, which they have, and…” She hesitates as she looks up at me, says his name. My heart pounds again and I don’t want to talk about him.

“How are you two?” she asks. I shrug, look away from her. Then my heart pounds even faster, harder. I can feel my blood pumping as I see the curly blonde hair, the hands that touched me just last night. The deep tanned skin I’ve missed so much, the blue eyes that used to wrap themselves around me, remind me that someone actually fell in love with me, that there is hope in this world that someone will believe—

“Emma, what are you staring at?”

I jump, stare at her. She’s smirking, chuckling as if this pain is so funny. I shake my head.

“Nothing.”

She looks in the direction I was looking. “Oh my God! It’s them!”

She shoots up, waves her hand to try to get their attention. “Guys! Over here!”

“No!” I whisper, “Don’t do that—”

“Hey,” Jeremy says, strong hand on my shoulder. I clench my fist as he sits next to Anna. Then I see him again, try my hardest not to make eye contact for too long. He looks somewhat angry at me, as if being anywhere near me hurts him. I don’t think it does, but if he keeps looking at me like that I won’t know what to think.

“Hey,” he says. I look up at him for a quick second, try to fake a smile.

It barely works.

“Hi,” I say. He sits next to me, a harsh glare from Jeremy telling me to get up and move.

 “So,” Anna says, “we were just talking about you guys.”

Jeremy won’t take his eyes off of me. He smiles.

“Really?” he asks.

“Yeah. How are you and Emma?”

Awkward silence that I can feel as it’s stabbing its way through my head. Jeremy looks away from me, toward Anna. The same look he gives me again, and her face turns pink.

“We…broke up,” he says. I can’t look at the floor because that’s not enough. I’m too afraid to look at anyone.

“Oh,” she says, “well… I’m sorry—”

“I’ll be right back,” I say, standing up.

“Where are you going?” she asks.

“Where would I be going?” I spit at her as I walk away, out of the food court and toward the restrooms. I walk through the door, look at my reflection in the mirror. I look so dead, it really doesn’t make any sense. Jeremy came here to fuck with me, brought him along to make it fun…

I’m starting to think he’s really trying to kill me.