Change Me | Hariana

Lost

Chapter 28: Lost

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Ariana's Pov:

I am so lost right now; sad and terribly forlorn. Even the birds had something to croon about, though they've not heard the thousands of songs that were played. Even the stars that shone at night had someone to shine down upon; kissing the faces of loved ones that have left behind.

The skies showed more emotions than me, from the wrath of thunder and lightning, the sorrow of tender rain; weeping of the loss of someone vital.

Everyone had something to cry over, get angry at, and smile about. And I'm just here; so numb, confused and conflicted. I can't even feel my own heart beating.

I stared down at the engraved inscription on the lined platform, which was roofed by tiny specks of the gentle rain.

In a loving memory of Josh Evergreen

Born February 1. 1992

Died August 15. 2013

Drops of water engulfed my cheeks, and I was sure it wasn't the rain. I stood motionless at his grave, the ground polluting my shoes from its muck, which the rain had caused.

The only thing I heard were the calm rain declining from above, everything around me nothing, but grass and trees, and other graves that I enforced myself to avoid interest to.

I seized strongly on the umbrella in hand, kneeling down on my knees, not showing a mind that I felt my jeans wash from the mud. Hands trembling, I caressed the carved words as I felt a cutting soreness in my throat.

"I miss you Josh."

I kept silent somehow enduring for a reaction showing me that he was present or at least hearing what I have said, but nothing ensued.

"I met this guy...." I chuckled, however the loneliness I felt overpowered the attempt.

"His name is Harry." I sighed as reminiscences from last night overflowed my mind.

"When I first met him he was so...." I drifted into words trying to find a manner to express him.

"..so obnoxious...rude, cocky and many other things that I can't quite find comfortable saying here. haha."

Descending my laughter, I breathed loudly, maintaining my head leveled down - my eyes never parting at the stone as I sustained to talk.

"I tried helping him. You know, like how you helped me before. But what I didn't know was that I was up for a challenge." I shifted on the side; my legs sprawled on the converse as I began lowering my umbrella, the sun surfacing from the misty clouds.

"He lashed out on me, yelled at me, got me angry. He also made me cry, a lot and a lot of times...." I froze at the memories.

"But you know being the stupid girl I am, I kept strong and continued into getting to know him. He was so complicated and he looked so hurt....." I frowned at the picture of his eyes from yesterday.

"And what started as just a friendly hunt, as weeks went by; my feelings......my feelings.....g-got messed up," I stammered.

I'm still young, I never experienced the feelings I held within before. The fluttering feeling when his genuine smile comes out. His dimple prominent on his cheek making my throat cut from breathing. His eyes that softens when in near sight.

Harry might have anger problems and his personality and feelings might change quickly from time to time, but that's just because he had given up on the most essential thing in the world. The sensation that he hunted to seek for before, but as a substitute disillusioned him and fooled with his heart. Love.