Change Me | Hariana

The Fear that Separates Us

Chapter 12: The Fear that Separates Us

*

Ariana's Pov:

Tears continually fell as I stare at the pasty, stilted coffin Josh laid. The same coffin that I once had dreamed being inside of when still in my father's hands.

Anabelle was beside me, with people who also shared their condolences. She held a white rose in hand, while I held a crimson one. I grasp on mine tightly near my chest seeing Josh lying peacefully as if he was just in a deep sleep. I still couldn't believe 'til this day, the person who saved me, when life gave up on me, is dead.

I should've never left him. I should've stayed when he told me to. But I needed to be in my own. I couldn't depend on him all my life.

Although he was gone, he will forever remain the guy in my heart. A person may come in my life and fix the wrecked heart I now have but no one can replace him. He vanished but he will never be forgotten.

The two men began revolving the lever that made the coffin carefully be place underground but I stopped them. I began to take my first step towards the coffin and Anabelle held my arm telling me to just let him go. She nodded her head towards the two men and I turned my face to her. She gave me a sympathetic look because she knew I was trying to held back tears again.

My lips began to shudder. I bit my, already swollen, bottom lip thinking that it would help stop the pain. This was much worse than those times I had with my razor. I couldn't bear the pain.

"Shh love. It's okay. We will get through this." Anabelle comforted.

"You know he loved you. Just think of all the good times you guys shared together."

I gave her a weak smile then shut my eyes.

-Flashback 5 months ago-

"JOSH STOP IT." He tackled me onto the ground and tickled my sides.

"Not until you yell. JOSH IS THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE AND I LOVE HIM WITH BURNING PASSION."

He sustained tickling my belly as I shook my head refusing to say what he had demanded.

"I-I CA-CANT BRE-ATHE." I squeal in between breaths.

He stopped but still remained in his position, which was sitting on top of me, preventing me from escaping.

"Fine. I'll just pass gass on your fac-"

"JOSHISTHESEXIESTMANALIVEANDILOVEHIMWITHBURNINGPASSION." I instantaneously screamed, learning from the past 2 years living with him that, he will do what he says no matter who you are or where he is at.

He smiled in contentment and at last got off me, pulling me back on feet.

Staring at his eyes, he chuckled as he wipes away the strand of her that was in my mouth.

Our giggles grew silent as we gaze into each other's eyes.

His hand stroke my cheek and it burned crimson.

"I love you princess." he whispered.

I love how effortlessly he made my heart flutter. The butterflies I felt whenever when he touches me.

Before I could speak he swept me off my feet and ran around our neighborhood receiving chuckles from old couples, glares from groups of girls and some added words, and an embarrassed me.

-End of-

My feet began to move, once again, towards the coffin as Anabelle immediately grabbed my arm. I glanced back at her giving her a reassuring look and finally made my way to him.

My breathing became uneven as I try to let a teardrop fall from my face once again.

"You're gone but my love will never die. I promise you."

Holding up the rose, up to my face, I gave it a lengthy gentle kiss as I finally dropped it on top of the coffin underground.

-

I had made my way back to my flat feeling my eyes getting weary. I now just realized that all this past week's; I have been in a struggle getting through. All the tears I have let out with finding out about Josh's sudden death, when I was almost raped, and when Harry Styles gave me a bad image towards everyone.

I always thought that if I had escaped from my possessive dad that I will have no more tears flowing out from my eyes and pain from the heart. Life was hard and this was just my beginning.

I stepped out of my car seeing a familiar black range rover parked behind mine.

Sigh.

I felt bad on what had occurred just a few days ago. Even though he said all those bad things about me I had no right to do that.

My nude heels clicked together as I made my way up to his flat.

I was about to knock on his door but stopped myself as I heard slight strums of guitar strings as he calmly played an old familiar song.

".......I'm broken, do you hear me?

I'm blinded, 'cause you are everything I see,

I'm dancin' alone, I'm praying,

That your heart will just turn around,

And as I walk up to your door,

My head turns to face the floor,

'Cause I can't look you in the eyes and say....."

I crept a little closer to the door, my ear getting a improved sound of it but unfortunately I tripped on my own heel which resulted me falling into his door, fully disrupting him from his acoustic session.

He was startled at my sudden entering. I picked myself up and held my head high as I shook off the dirt on my black lace dress. He took off the guitar strap that was wrapped around his neck and went straight to me. I was preparing myself for the screaming and yelling, the pet names, the flaws he would point out.

Just as I thought the wrong words would come out of his mouth, he let out nothing. Not even an aggravating sigh. His face said no emotion. Like a robot, as I would say. Sometimes I wonder what was going on in that petite head of his. We both stood still in our places. He stared at me contently but seeing from his face he was trying to figure something in his mind.

A heavy sigh escaped from my lips.

"I just wanted to come by, seeing that your car was here, to apologize for hurting you a few days ago," I said sincerely while almost instantly turning back not waiting for his response, knowing that he wouldn't respond at all. But in my surprise he held my arm telling me to stop. He made me face him seeing his familiar emeralds for once more but just in seconds his eyes turned into gloomy, piercing greens. He let go off my arm and closed the door shut on my face.

I stood there dumbfounded. What just happened?

•

No one's Pov:

Inside the flat, there sat a conflicted Harry. He was puzzled in whether he was ready to open up to someone he hardly knew but, felt a connection towards to, and feeling that she had an understanding of his situation and would not judge him like the others. He remembered what his mum had told him, "....keep holding onto it because that is what is changing you right now to the better...." But he also remembered the last time he got hurt by someone, it practically ruined his life.

On the other side stood Ariana, she is figuring out what just occurred. By just what happen, Ariana is even more determined into making Harry Styles be open with her. However she was confused. Through the weeks, Harry kept giving her mixed signals making her think whether he wanted her near him or not and also he let out some hurtful words towards her. To be honest she didn't want to get hurt, so she is double thinking on whether it was worth it trying to get to know Harry Styles.

In both opposite sides of the doors stood two confused people about their feelings towards oneother.

They do not detest each another. They are not afraid to be loved again.

They are scared that their heart would be once again be ruined and damaged.