Types Of...

Church People

1. The Interrupter

If you don't go church, then obviously you might not relate to these.

But for the ones that do, you know what I'm talking about.

This usually happens when the pastor is preaching or there's prayer going on.

This is literally what it sounds like.

"Lord, we just want to thank you for lov- "YES JESUS!"
                     
                            or

"Now the bible says to love thy neigh- "YOU BETTA PREACH PASTUH!"

Like, seriously, he could be saying "hi" and they'd be like, "That's right!"

Half the time, they really don't even know what the pastor's even talking about, they just want to scream.

2. The Special Occasion People

These types of people only and I mean ONLY show up to church if there's something special going on.

Like New Years or Resurrection Sunday (Easter).

Like if you're going to go to church, actually show up on the regular days and not just because it's a holiday.

Or because everyone is going to be there.

They literally only come for the food and then leave.

They couldn't tell you one thing about God.

3. Google

The reason I call this person Google is because they literally know everyone and everything.

And at the end of service, they come up to you with that creepy smile and say stuff like, "I remember when you were a baby", and, " I used to change your diaper."

And you're just like, um, do I know you?

But seriously, they know everyone's name and where we all live.

I had this lady at my church and every time it was someone's birthday, she always knew and baked them a cake.

Not like that's a bad thing, but like, how did she know that?

But her cakes were delicious, so she gets a pass.

4. The Messenger

At my church, we had a nursery room, kid's room, the sanctuary, and the teen room.

Now this person is always your teacher and just so happens to be good friends with your parent(s).

You can NOT get away with anything in their class, because they always go back and report what happened in class to your mom or dad.

It never fails.

You can literally say only one word the whole class and they'll tell your parent(s) that Satan was trying to prevent you from hearing the word.

Like, who do you think you are?

I know where I stand with God, thank you!

5. Second/ Third Parent

This is a very nice and likable person because they're basically your second or third parent.

They buy you gifts and give you money.

They take you fun places and you're always at their house.

And at this point, you're about 99.9% positive that they're your real parent and you were adopted because you're nothing like your parent(s) at home.

They brag about you and even support you for school related events.

You'll probably even see them in the bleachers at your games.