Falling For Her (Tom Hiddleston Fanfiction)

Just in Time

Time was a complex factor in our case. Lilly and I depended on time. Always.

Every moment leading up to where we are right now, all came down to time. Worrying whether or not moments that we wanted to remember went by fast or slow. The idea of how long Lilly had constantly hanging over our heads. Watching each month fly by so fast, compared to the excruciatingly slow pace of time when I had to wait for Lilly after a test was being done. Every single little thing revolved around time.

After almost five months, I'm now married to her.
It's surreal. But it feels so perfect.

The days seemed to go by slower once we were married. It was as if time decided to be kind to Lilly and I. After months of going by too fast, it finally slowed down so that we could take it all in and say and do everything we need to do before Lilly's time is up.

There was still so much that needed to be said and done.

Lilly's pain hadn't increased since that friday before the wedding. From a one to a ten on the pain scale, she was a solid seven. That included the heavy medication running through her veins.

But, depending on the time of day, her pain would worsen. It was always the worst at night. Most nights, she wouldn't be able to sleep, because of the pain.

See? Everything revolves around time.

I clearly wasn't able to feel what she was feeling, but it was as if I could sometimes. I would cringe when would, as if the same muscle in my body were as sore as hers. And the expression on her face made me feel the pain too. The weak and tired look told me how physically drained she was from the pain alone.

The worse she got, the slimmer time was for her. I knew that and so did she.

That following week, Lilly had started planning her final arrangements. If anyone has lost a loved one in their life, you know how this goes. Basically, Lilly decides how her last days on this earth are going to play out. She decides if she wants life support, or if she does or doesn't want to be revived, she decides the funeral arrangements, she decides who gets her belongings. She decides everything.

Lilly advised me to not get involved in the final arrangements. She told me that she knew what she wanted and she didn't want me being apart of anything that has to do with her death. Only her life.

As frustrating it was, trying to bite my tongue, I let her make her own decisions. She's my wife, but she's also her own person. And she has her own mind. I allowed her to use that to do exactly what she wanted. Not once did I insert my opinions on her choices. And she chose them all on her own.

Closed casket. Buried in the local cemetery, not cremated. All of her items and belongings go to me, being her husband. And she signed a 'do not revive' contract. Which means, once she flatlined, the hospital isn't authorized the revive her or put her on life support. In her words, she didn't want to be "in between death and life", she wants one or the other. Those were her choices. As much as I disagreed with the decision to not revive her, how could I argue over her final wishes? A part of me understood what she meant by not wanting to be comatose and basically dead-alive. But I hated the idea that any moment, she could just drop dead, and no one can do anything.

I hate the idea of watching her suffer, in front of my eyes, and not being able to tell the doctors to save her. That moment was definitely going to be one of the toughest moments of my life. I knew it was.

I hoped that I could be strong for her. But no matter what happens, after that horrible moment. When she's gone. I have to remember our love isn't dead. I promised her. I have the ring on my finger to prove it. The same promise that she had on her finger, that she'll be buried with.