Falling For Her (Tom Hiddleston Fanfiction)

In Your Arms

Lilly found comfort in the crook of my arm and she rested her head gently on my chest. She wasn't crying anymore. After an hour or so, she was all cried-out. And so was I.

But the good thing is, she was calm. And that's all that mattered to me.

We laid on my living room sofa. In compete silence. So silent that I resorted to listening to every beat of her heart. Which was finally beating at normal rate again.

Every heart beat was another reminded that she was here. Right here with me. She's still here. She's still breathing.

I didn't want to even think about the day when that changes. Whenever that may be. Every time I'd begin to imagine it, I'd dismiss the though as fast as possible. It was too scary.

It wasn't an awkward silence. It was a peaceful one. One that I think we Borg needed in that moment. Silence. Peace. Just a break from thoughts. And her heart beat was my relaxation in that silence. My reassurance. My quiet bliss.

She kept on apologizing for laying on me. Little did she know, I loved it. And if I had the opportunity to stay like that forever. I would've. I would have spent my life like that, feeling her so close. If I knew she would still be there when I awoke every morning.

She didn't have to apologize for laying on me. I had to thank her.

"I was nine." Lilly said. Breaking the silence. I opened my eyes slowly. Listening to her.

"When I first found out. I was nine. And I remember, that day, how crazy my parents went. Like the world was ending. Their world was ending. And it broke my heart. But it motivated me too. Their heartbreak, made me wanna fight." She explained.

"You did chemo at nine years old?" I asked. Stupidly. Because I already knew the answer. Cancer doesn't level with age.

"Yeah. And it sucked. Every treatment made me feel like I was already dead. But. Whenever I thought about quitting, my mom used to say something, and it stuck with me." She said.

"What'd she say?" I questioned.

"She said. That this fight. Is like running a marathon. That each treatment was like a checkpoint. And sooner or later, I'll make to the finish line. I'll survive." Lilly squirmed a little before getting comfortable again. "And she was right. Because 10 months later, I was cancer free. I ran the marathon. And it felt amazing. Like all the fight was worth it." She sighed. "But then at fifteen. They told me the cancer was back. And just like before, I looked at it as this marathon. And I started all over again. And just like before, the cancer was gone. Just, something in me felt that it wasn't going to be gone for long. Maybe it was just lost hope. But. I was right. I found out a few months ago. Same disease. Same exact thing. It spread to my bone marrow." She sat up and looked at me. I listened the whole time.

"And this time, when I thought about that marathon. I just... Knew I couldn't do it again. The worst thing is when you fight the fight. You come so close to that finish line. And you have it in your mind that you're gonna make it. You have hope. Then, you fall short. And all that hope you had is destroyed." She shrugged. "Me. I'd rather lose by a mile. Then come so close. And not reach the mark. I don't want to keep losing. Because I've already lost enough hope. I guess I wanted to sit this marathon out."

I held onto her tight. "I get it. And part of me, thinks you made the worst choice. But only because I know I'm losing you." I said. "But another part of me, would have done the same thing. If I were in your shoes."

Lilly took a deep breath to keep from crying again. "Tom...Are you sure?" She uttered. "This is gonna hurt you. Are you sure you're making the right choice? Staying. Tom, you can't stay because you pity me. I don't want you to stay if you pity me. Are you sure this is what you want?"