The Life Series Oneshots

{Incorrect Quotes 4!}

Cleo: What type of dog is this?
Etho: That's a tortoise.

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Joel, looking at a map: It's a barren, featureless wasteland out there, isn't it?
Grian: Other side, Joel...

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Scar: I met this person on tinder and asked for their last name. They sent it to me and went "Doing a little background check? You might find out I'm a murderer, just ignore that" with a kissy wink emoji. Alright so I good sense of humour.
Scar: I looked them up, they were a murderer.

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Lizzie: Joel, we tried things your way.
Joel: No, we didn't.
Lizzie: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

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Martyn, in a horrible German accent: Bill Nye is on break, I'm Bill Nein.
Pearl: Can I go to the bathroom?
Martyn, in the same horrible German accent: Nein!

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Ren: Let's all agree that going up the stairs on all fours is actually the best experience on earth.
Big B: Conversely, going down the stairs on all fours is actually the most terrifying experience on earth.

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Scott: Let me copy your homework.
Gem: I was gonna copy yours.
Scott: Well, shit.
Gem: Guess I'm not doing it.

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Tango: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?
Etho, turning to Bdubs: How tall are you?

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Tango: *holding a salt packet* It's just a little sodium chloride.
Etho: Actually Tango, it's salt.
Tango: That's what I said, sodium chloride.
Etho: Uh Tango, that would be salt.
Etho: *takes salt packer from Tango* This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit.

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Impulse: I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

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Etho: Okay, let's split 'em up and make 'em sing.
Impulse: Two of you take the one on the right, the other two take the one on the left.
Tango: Right. Bad cop, good cop.
Skizz: You know, it's interesting that they say "bad cop, good cop," because policing in this country is so broken it's really just "bad cop, bad cop".
Impulse: Tango, you're with them.
Tango: Got it.

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Pearl: You ever get so tired that you start seeing spiders?
Gem: Me after I take 17 Benadryl and start seeing the hat man.
Pearl: THE WHO?
Gem: Oh is this not a safe space suddenly?

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Ren: Cleo won't wake up, what do I do?
Lizzie: Did you try kicking them?
Ren: Yes.
Lizzie: I'm out of ideas.