The Life Series Oneshots

{Incorrect Quotes 2!}

Etho: Did it hurt when you fell-
Joel: From heaven? Wow, I didn't think you were such a flirt-
Etho: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Joel: ...
Etho: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

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Scott: Cause your pretty and your smart, and your ignoring me so your obviously my type.
Jimmy, who was distracted: I'm sorry- what were you saying?
Scott: Perfect.

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Bdubs: Do you love me?
Impulse: We're literally married.
Bdubs: Yeah, but as friends or—

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Ren: Do you want this handful of moss?
Lizzie: Why would I want a handful of fucking moss?
Ren: Damn, you could've just said no.

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Grian: Scar is not allowed to decide which one of us is the chosen one.

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Lizzie: You're an idiot.
Joel: That's the charm.

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Scott: Do you have any idea what you're doing?
Pearl: Why start now?

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Etho: You're insane!
Bdubs: Sure I am, what's your point?

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Skizz: Why do you not believe that ghosts are real?
Etho: Never seen one.
Skizz: Okay, I mean, there's a lot of things that you can't see that are real.
Etho: What can't I see?
Skizz: You can't see gravity. That's real.
Etho: Yeah, I can drop an apple.
Skizz: Fuck.

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Skizz: You're overthinking this.
Impulse: You don't know the appropriate level of thinking, Skizz. What if I'm underthinking?

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Scar: You fuckers don't know about my knife stick. It's a knife taped to a stick and it's the ultimate weapon.
Joel: Spear.
Scar: BLOCKED.

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Cleo: You get turned back into a baby but you retain all your skills and memory, what do you do?
Bdubs: Eat a nickel.
Cleo: A reminder: You have retained all your skills and memories.
Scar: Eat a nickel.
Cleo: Ok.

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Ren: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Martyn: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.
Ren, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

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Gem: I know where you live.
Pearl: Where?
Gem: In a house.

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Joel: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees?
Jimmy: Bees?
Joel: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES!
Jimmy: Wait-
*Grian approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*

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Watchers: I do two things and two things only. I devastate sorry motherfuckers, and get shit done as an awesome leader.

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Etho: What's your favorite color?
Joel: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature.
Etho: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP?
Joel: My favorite color is pink.

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Impulse, admiring a sleeping Bdubs: You're so cute.
Bdubs, sleepily: I could beat your ass.
Impulse, lovingly: I know.

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Scott: I have issues.
Martyn: Finally, you admit it! The first step to redemption is accept-
Scott: With you.

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Big B: Why is there blood everywhere?
Ren: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife.
Big B: You stabbed someone?!
Ren: No, no. I aggressively poked someone with a knife.

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*Lizzie teaching Gem to drive and taking Cleo along for the ride*
Lizzie: That's a pothole. To the left!
Gem: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*
Cleo, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.
Gem: I don't think that's how the song goes.
Lizzie, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.
Gem: Country Roads.
Cleo: To the place.
Gem and Cleo in unison: I Belong!
Lizzie, crying harder: What the fuck?

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Pearl: Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, and wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Scott: That's deep.
Cleo: That means that ketchup is a smoothie.
Scott: That's deeper.
Martyn: ...You guys are idiots.

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Grian, to Mumbo: Please, picking locks is my specialty.
Grian: *throws a brick through the window*
Grian: Okay, let's go.

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Etho: Hey, about that love letter you sent me-
Joel: *blushes* What are your thoughts?
Etho: The fourth sentence-
Joel: Yeah, that's where I got really emotional and I-
Etho: It's "you're" not "your".

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Martyn: I'm bored, any suggestions?
Mumbo: Sleeping is nice.
Martyn: I acknowledge your suggestion, and I'm deciding to ignore it.

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Scar: Next time I'm at the pet store, I'm gonna take a hamster and drop it in the scorpion cage. I wanna see what a hamster's face looks like when it goes, "oh, fuck."

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Grian: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE!
Grian: JOEL IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW!
Grian: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE SIT !

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Jimmy: Tango... you've been cuddling with me for over and hour now.
Tango: *muffled* mm hmmm :)
Jimmy: Fuck. I should be annoyed but you're adorable.