sergio
3/1
sunday
heembeezy played in the background while i sat in the vip section, smoking a blunt, my personal blunt. i was the only person in the rotation
i was in here alone, waiting for papi and marcos, accompanied by some business partners
im not sure what business, the legal front or the illegal sector. all i knew is i worked my ass off to be here.
i promised not to say shit, i'm just there to watch. i promised i would only open my mouth to breathe, but i breathe with my nose so i wouldn't be opening my mouth at all
i put the blunt to my mouth, inhaling the strong scent it left behind. it smelled bad, i cant deny that in any way. but it's a smell so intertwined with my life, so nostalgic i can't let it go
it's a feeling i can't let go, an action. i don't fein often but when i do it's bad.
i looked down at my phone. still left opened, waiting for janae to text me back. it was 11 pm, she might've been asleep but i don't know.
our relationship feels like it's on the rocks. i can't tell her anything that's too much, but that's what she wants. and i can't provide her with that
we're not distant, she's not distant. she still jumps to tell me random shit, she doesn't shy away from my touch, she always listens to me intently.
she's trying, i don't know if i am hard enough
i rubbed my eyes, sighing deeply before turning my phone off, setting it somewhere away from me. no distractions
i took a long pull from the blunt, my eyes growing heavy. i blinked, setting the blunt down. that's enough for me
i let it burn, it'd still make the room smell and that's what i wanted
i stared at the picture on the wall. was i gonna do this for the rest of my life? honestly, i had no clue, no direction to where i wanted my life to go
its like i took a backseat to the world around me, let everyone decide for me. i can't say joining was a decision i made on my own. it was impulsive, influenced by the people around me
it's not like i'd end up doing anything different, might as well get used to it now. that's my usual reassurance, but i don't know if it's still working
i missed janae. i sighed deeper. her company has me feeling like she and i are the only people in the world that matter. she makes me feel like im in charge again, like im sitting behind the wheel and she's in the passenger seat
i can't keep treating her like this, we have to have some type of communication. it's been months now. it could get worse or better depending on me and my decisions
the door slid open. in walked marcos, papi, and three other men following him. their faces were stony, as if nothing fazed them now
the first man was the tallest. he was pale, blue eyes and grey hair. his face sagged down and his mouth formed a tight line. he had a scar going down his face and had a bulky figure, meaty and fit.
the second man was medium height, the most normal looking. curly black hair, tan, skinny. he had smile lines creasing along his eyes. he looked like the men papi worked with as a lawyer. he held a briefcase.
the last man seemed the toughest. scars were scattered across his face, his eyes held a deep emotion in it. sadness? anger? i couldn't tell, i just didn't want to mess with him
sad thing was is he didn't seem too older than marcos. could even be the same age, but that'd be a stretch.
papi sat the farthest away from me, at the edge of the couch. marcos sat in the middle, patting me on the back
