"What's depression like?" He asked.

I am truly sorry.

I have been trying to write a new part for a while now, but I can't seem to come up with something that makes sense. Or is worth reading. Or I just can't seem to get the words on the paper the way I want to. 

Writing a book that I started because I was feeling incredibly down and continuing it now that I've started to feel better, has been hard. 

Why? Because I'm not stuck in a deep black hole anymore, but neither am I completely out of it. I'm somewhere in the middle and I'm not very sure what that means.

It means life no longer seems utterly pointless, but neither am I happy all the time (is anybody, though?).

I'm in a place where I can see the colors, but they're not as bright as they should be. I can feel the sunlight, but it still annoys me most of the time. I'm still hurting. I have good days, I have bad days, just like anybody else, but different.

My good days consist of me not having anxiety attacks, not worrying about everything, not looking at myself and wanting to puke, not having flash backs to when times where still really really bad. 

And a bad day? Well, the complete opposite, pretty much. 

You guys have seen me grow and change, but regardless of the fact that I've become more and more open on here, you don't know everything about me. You don't see everything. You see parts of it. 

I've been struggling with the idea of stopping this book, but I'm not sure if I can. I just don't know where I want it to go. What I want to be. I don't know what's going to happen in my mind for the next coming months. If I'll stay the way I am now, which would mean that I won't have much to write about. If I get better and better, then this book and its title is no longer accurate. If I get worse... well let's just not even think about that, cause I'm not planning on it. 

I've been thinking if I need to re-introduce myself to you. To you and the people that have started to read WDLHA when I was halfway the published chapters. 

I've been thinking about telling you about my life some more, but who wants to hear about things like that. Things that you can't help, can't change and can't turn back?

I've been thinking a lot. I've always been someone that thinks a lot and sometimes it bothers me. It's like I can't stop my thoughts, not for a second. Can't seem to find the pause button. 

I am truly sorry that I have to write these kind of chapters sometimes. I know it's not what any of you want to read. It's just my rambles which in the end don't change much and don't cause much and are not helping anybody, so I'm sorry. I really am.

I hope all of you are doing good or somewhat good or are coping. Remember that I still think about you guys. 

Please hang in there.

- Ky