"What's depression like?" He asked.

Changes depression makes.

How does depression change you? When you "cure", feel happier than you used to, are you the same person as before? When do you know if depression has ended? How are you supposed to feel when depression has ended? Does depression ever end? 

These are some of the questions I get asked, but are also some of the questions I ask myself quite a lot. 

How does depression change you? I find it hard to give an answer to this, because I think it influences everyone in a different way. I'll speak for myself when I answer this question. During the years that I've been coping with depression, I've gotten more quiet and more insecure. It gave me anxiety attacks and nightmares and a lot of irrelevant fears. It has made me a very emotional person and someone who finds it hard to enjoy things. I try, for the people around me, but sometimes I can't shake the feeling off that things are pointless anyway. I know that if I'd never gotten in touch with depression, I would've been a very different person that I am now. I would be less of all the things above, but I would also be less mature. My problems would be less big and less serious. They would be normal teenage problems.

Of course, in my case, the fact I never grew up in a normal family plays a big part. Even if I hadn't gotten a depression, my life would've still been very different from the ones of normal teenagers. I wouldn't know what kind of person I would be if I grew up in a normal family. I wish I could know, but I don't. 

I think I can say that you will never be the same person as before and never be the same person as you could've been. I don't think depression only changes you for the worst though. I also gives you a piece of wisdom. Strength that other people still have to discover. It gives you the knowledge that life isn't only rainbows and sunshine, something other people might later find out. Everyone gets slapped in the face by reality at some point in their life. WIth the people here, I assume it's during our teenage years. 

When you can finally shake some of the insecurity off of you, let go of the idea that you're worthless and let go of the idea that everything you and experience doesn't matter, I think you are a wiser person than you could've ever been if you'd never gotten in touch with depression.

I don't wish depression for any of you. I hope you'll find the strength to get out and I hope that when you do, you'll understand what I am trying to say. That sure, depression is a horrible, terrible, disgusting thing. It gives you thoughts and feelings that nobody should ever deal with. It leaves you as someone who is scarred forever. Then again, I hope that depression gives you also something good. Some wisdom, some knowlede. I hope that depression shows you that nothing worse is ever going to happen in your life. From now on, everything's going to be great. Things are going to be beautiful, because you have already been through the worst. 

Does depression ever end? I like to believe it does. It hasn't ended yet for me. I'm still struggling, some days more than others. I still have thoughts I don't like, feelings I wish I could shake off. I think it does end. At some point. It will always leave things inside of you that will remind that it was once the home of very dark demons, but I think depression itself will leave. That you'll be able to wake up every morning feeling happy and beautiful, ready to face the world.

I do believe that is possible. I do believe depression is something that ends and I do believe that every single one of you is strong enough to fight it and get it out of you. When depression ends, you won't understand how you could've ever felt so bad. How you could've ever wanted to end your life. How you could've ever hurt yourself mentally and physically.

I hope this day comes soon for all of you.

- Kyran