It's crying yourself to sleep.
It's the feeling of a broken heart.
It's the days you pretend to be okay.
It's the smile you fake when you talk to people.
It's the jokes about suicide, selfharm and eating disorders that make you want to dig a hole and just disappear.
It's the names you get called when you arrive at school.
It's the whispers and lies behind your back that you can do nothing about.
It's the cracks in your walls that you try to cover up.
It's the days when everything makes you cry.
It's when something you have been waiting on for so long, gets cancelled.
It's when you disappoint everyone around you.
It's when you fuck another thing up.
It's when you see how sad you make others.
It's the feeling of being different and not fitting in anywhere.
It's the idea that everyone would be better of without you.
It's the overthinking at night when nothing seems worth it anymore.
It's the looking at yourself and wishing you looked different, smelled different, thought different, felt different. When you wish you were someone completely else.
It's when you see happy people and wonder why you can't just be one of them.
It's the way you hate yourself more than anybody ever could.
It's the thought of being completely alone without anybody who understands how you feel.
It's the looking at your scars, hating them and then adding more to the collection.
It's the not wanting to get out of bed, because you know the day will be the same as yesterday.
It's the endless fighting against yourself.
It's the endless fighting against the people around you.
It's the not knowing if you'll make it to the end of the month.
It's the wondering why nothing bothers you anymore.
It's the moments when all your feelings are switched off and you're completely numb.
It's the living, breathing nightmare that life has become in your eyes.
It's the breaking down and screaming when you come home from school.
It's knowing that your parents won't be there to hug you.
It's knowing that you won't be able to tell your friends what's wrong this time.
It's knowing that you will fail the test tomorrow, because your brain is thinking about how to leave a world as sick as this one.
It's not trusting yourself anymore because you have betrayed yourself more than anyone else has.
It's looking around and seeing nothing pretty anymore.
It's when life loses all it's color and turns into a black and white picture.
It's when days when even the sun shines, seem rainy.
It's the feeling of being as replacable as a plant.
It's a war.
It's forgetting.
It's remembering.
It's the sleepless nights.
It's physical.
It's emotional.
It's me.
It's some of you.
It's us.
It's life.
It's alive.
It's dead.
It's depression.
YOU ARE READING
"What's depression like?" He asked.
Non-FictionI'm sorry if this story is bothering you. But if it is, it's clearly not meant for you. "What's depression like?" A friend once asked. I didn't know what to say. Because when people ask you things like "What's wrong" and "How are you?" and "Can I he...
