A prayer diary of someone going through a prayer crisis

December 26th, 2023 - Tuesday

Today, I started rereading this diary. It's interesting to see how there's a contrast between me and what happened to George Muller, who had all his requests answered.

Honestly, reader, I don't believe God will listen to me anymore. It's a shame. I started this diary with faith that something would change. I began excited, even happy. It was a last attempt, a final gasp of hope. I thought God could use this diary for His glory. Show me and everyone who reads that he hears prayers and thus increases everyone's faith. But today, all I can feel is what I did before the beginning of this project: the feeling that God is indifferent to me and my prayers.Today, I also read in the Bible all the prayers from the Old Testament, starting from Genesis 4:26. Someone might say that I only asked for things and might think that was wrong, but it's not. I have a biblical basis for the prayers I made. In the Old Testament, people prayed for a wife (Gen 24), for a barren wife (Gen 25), for God to remove judgment (Num 11), for a new leader (Num 27), and many others.

Maybe I didn't perfectly fulfill what George Muller said in those five steps to have prayer answered. But I am not perfect and never will be, just like all Christians of all times. But that doesn't change the fact that God heard me even once. Let no one say, "It's just not God's time to answer you," because I've been praying for over 20 years, and I don't see God acting anywhere in my life, and now I think that won't change.

So, I'll make a definitive decision, or at least I intend it to be definitive: I will not pray anymore!