A prayer diary of someone going through a prayer crisis

November 22nd, 2023 - Wednesday

Today, I looked at some old documents on my notebook and found one from 2019, when I spearheaded a prayer project at my old church.

It was interesting to see some similarities with this diary I'm writing now. At the time, I heard a sermon where the pastor mentioned a book, and after reading it, I felt a strong desire to create the project. I remembered, at the time, I started documenting because I thought it would one day be something significant and wanted to have documentation. Here's what I wrote in the document:

"I, -----------------------------------------, saw a sermon by Reverend ------------------------------- at a revival conference at his church ---------------------------------------. In the sermon, he mentioned the book 'Why Revival Tarries by Leonard Ravenhill.' Although I had heard of this book before, I decided to read it. It was a challenging book that confronted me a lot; at times, I felt the message was too heavy and would require too much from those who were willing to fulfill what the book points out. But as I read, while reading its interesting stories and especially the part where it mentions David Brainerd, whom I had also heard of, the desire to start a prayer project in the church, to see if God would send power from above, revival, began to grow in my heart. I called some people, and we started praying for power and revival on March 17th, 2019. The prayers took place every Sunday at 18:00. The service started at 19:00, so we had about 40 to 45 minutes to pray. Seven people attended the first meeting, including my mother, my sister and the pastor."

It was interesting to review this document. I remember that at the beginning, were few people because I wanted to start with a small group and then gradually expand with each person inviting the brothers to pray the following Sunday. We done it, but many people came only once and never again. The meetings ended around June of the same year when my family moved from a house close to the church to a place far away. There was no way to get there by 18:00 anymore. I attended this old church for thirteen years. Since I was a child. And, this time, I was realizing that the people were always the same, that we practically heard the same thing in the messages, that there seemed to be no spiritual progress. A text that always came to my mind at that time. It was Hebrews 5:12: In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food!

Was there any change after this project? I don't think so. After a while, I talked to my uncle who continued in that church and he said that I planted despite not seeing the fruit, but that someone would reap it in the future. But it's always like this. There is always an excuse, an argument they use to say it wasn't in vain. These days, I maintain some contact with people who are still there. It seems no revival came to that place.

Today, I consider that prayer project useless. What makes me think about this current project of mine. Maybe it's the same thing. I have faith that God can hear me because of this project now. But sometimes, feels like I'm nurturing faith to end up frustrated again. There is practically a month left until the completion of this project. I hope that God hears me not only so that there may be a change in my family but also so that everyone, wherever this diary reaches, knows that God still hears prayers even after a long silence period or no response, and so on.