The angel I ruined. (Castiel x male reader OC |NSFW|)

Chapter 24: "Empty glass"

I woke up on the cold floor, a shiver crawled through me, a harsh reminder of the void Cas left behind. Desperation clung to my bones like a relentless shadow, each heartbeat echoing the pain of that abandoned kiss. Work had always been my escape, my refuge from messy emotions, but not this time.

For once, I decided to take a break from the operating room, a brief hiatus from the world of scalpels and sterile gowns. Even a workaholic like me needed time to heal, or at least attempt to.

The day stretched into an endless expanse of solitude, the ticking clock mocking the silence of my apartment. The ache in my chest refused to ease, a persistent reminder of a love unreturned. So, in the haze of despair, I found myself in a dimly lit bar, drowning the echoes of that forsaken kiss in a glass of something strong. Anything to dull the pain, if only for a fleeting moment.

The bar exuded a dim, amber glow, casting long shadows on the worn wooden floors. It was a haven for lost souls seeking refuge in the swirling depths of liquor. The air buzzed with hushed conversations, the low hum of laughter, and the distant melody of a melancholic tune playing from the jukebox.

As I nursed my drink, lost in the sea of strangers, a guy with a disarming smile sidled up to the bar, his eyes carrying a hint of mischief. He looked like trouble wrapped in a leather jacket, but the desperation in my veins was more potent than any warning.

With a sly grin, he leaned in, his words dancing with the rhythm of the bar's heartbeat. "You look like you could use some company, I'm Leo" he said, his voice a smooth blend of confidence and allure. His eyes held a promise of distraction, a temporary escape from the ache that clung to me like a second skin.

Leo. I wasn't sure if I could trust such a name. I've encountered countless individuals online wielding this moniker, often using it for reasons ranging from anonymity to projecting a strong, charismatic persona. Whether it was his real name or a title carefully chosen for our brief encounter, I couldn't discern. What I did know was that I didn't have the inclination to delve deeper into unraveling the mystery behind Leo. I just wanted to have a good time.

As the night rolled on, the glasses stacked up, each sip a brief escape from the persistent ache. My initial hesitation faded with every drink, replaced by a comforting warmth that hinted at temporary relief.

In the alcohol-induced blur, our talk got more daring, the stranger's words a gentle breeze momentarily lifting the weight off my chest. His laughter became my lifeline, a brief escape from the unreturned love that lingered. At least someone chose me.

As the room twirled, I found myself going with the flow, letting playful banter weave between us like a spell. In that boozy daze, I allowed myself to soak in the attention, even if it was just a fleeting illusion of affection in the dim bar light.

"You know, you have this mysterious aura about you. What's your story?" Leo asked with a confidence that was rather sexy.

"Story? It's a tragedy, really. Unrequited love, shattered dreams, the whole cliché. What about you? Are you the knight in shining armor or the charming rogue?" I replied, trying to fit in with the whole "cool guy" vibe he had. The liquid courage helped a little bit since I'm rather way too awkward.

"Why not both? I'm a complex character. But tonight, let's focus on your story. What's the plot twist you're not telling me?" Leo grinned, his eyes daring me to share more.

"Plot twist? Well, it involves an angel, a broken heart, and a bar. Pretty standard stuff," I chuckled, allowing myself to be more candid in the haze of alcohol. I knew he wouldn't take me seriously and I didn't want to.

"An angel, huh? That's one hell of a twist. And here I thought I was the most interesting thing to happen tonight." Leo's grin widened as he leaned in, bringing a playful spark to our exchange.

"Oh, you're interesting, but you're no angel. More like the devil in disguise, maybe?" I teased, letting the flirtatious banter weave its way through the air.

"Devil, angel, or just a guy looking for a good time - does it really matter tonight?" Leo's voice held a certain warmth, as if acknowledging the transient nature of our encounter.

"Fair point. Tonight, let's play roles in each other's stories, even if just for a brief chapter." I forced a grin, a conscious effort to distance myself from the weight of heartbreak that lingered in my thoughts.

It felt like a revenge, but I was the sole person I was punishing. I wanted to feel loved but ended up being drunk and engaging in a one-night stand in a cold and nasty toilet of a bar. It was quick and I can't say I enjoyed it much. I ended up running to my car and crying my heart out in an empty parking lot. I wanted this nightmare to end and to go back to a happier place, but what's really pathetic is how I couldn't even find one good memory if I wanted to. The birth of my nephew and our little game dates were certainly worth mentioning, but I can't say I've ever truly felt whole in my life.

I must have stayed there for hours, until the familiar feeling of being unable to breathe returned. Another panic attack was the cherry on top.

Why do I feel guilty for wanting to feel loved? Castiel shared a forceful kiss with me and disappeared after, so I didn't betray him. I betrayed myself. For falling for the wrong person and afterwards looking for affection in a place that smells of booze and sweat.

I needed to stop thinking about you.

The brilliance of your blue eyes is blinding,
Yet behind the shades, they gleam with deeper contemplation.
Brighter, more reflective, they hold a world of unspoken thoughts.
You embody the epitome of melancholy, yet you remain oblivious to your own affliction, dismissing the lurking shadows and darkness entwined within.
You wear polite smiles, masking the truth,
Engaging in discussions veiled as philosophical.
You place 'duty' above all, grumbling under the weight of the world like Atlas, yet unaware of the support surrounding you.
The only way for you to feel worthy. Ironically I used to feel the same. But you are trapped in the abyss of 'duty,' no bottom, no escape - a captive of your own making.

If love is a mountain,
it has a road a cliff and a hidden passage.
If love is a river,
we are both united by a bridge and a sigh.

I love you, nights like these, and it is those nights that spawn the urge to have your presence again.

The endless cycles of self-punishment are killing me. Even the worst demon doesn't deserve such torment, and my ongoing thoughts of you have become my personal purgatory.

To distract myself, I gazed at my phone, trying to conjure a thought other than Castiel. I wish it was easier to shake him from my mind.

I was jolted by the sight of my phone - nine missed calls from the Dean and Sam. My breathing was unsteady, so I ignored the calls for the moment, choosing to attend to my own well-being before contacting them. Driving home to shower and rest should be my priority, otherwise I might faint from exertion and exhaustion.