The angel I ruined. (Castiel x male reader OC |NSFW|)

Chapter 23: "A glimpse of Heaven"

In that moment, I dared to taste the lips of an angel, and with each tender nibble, I discovered a taste of heaven.

Drawing closer to him, my hands instinctively cradled his cheeks, savoring the connection. A gentle nibble on his lip made my heart race, and as I closed my eyes, I felt the warmth of his body close to mine. It was an intoxicating proximity that felt undeniably right.

Opening my eyes, I found Cas there, still and composed, not pulling away. If anything, it seemed like he took a small step forward, meeting my gaze. A subtle blush adorned his features - was it excitement or embarrassment? I couldn't tell, but the desire for more propelled me forward. I wouldn't let this moment slip away; I was determined to seize the opportunity, consequences be damned.

I tickled his lips with the tip of my tongue. I gently pressed the tip of my tongue against his lips, I slowly and softly darted my tongue into his mouth and then I pulled it back out. I rolled the tip of my tongue all the way around the tip of his tongue in a seductive, swirling motion.
After a nice swirl, I pulled back in a slight pause, and then I started to kiss him passionately again and I sucked on his tongue gently for a brief moment before I released it.

At that moment, I felt a deep longing deep within me. As clay in his hands, I wanted to be molded and shaped by his touch. I wanted to be his muse and his inspiration. I was ready to let go and be reborn, to be crafted and worn, to belong to his will alone. I was dedicated and devoted to him, bound by the warm currents of our kiss. I was eager to be his masterpiece, a statue that would stand forever in his honor and the person for whom he could be the center of the world.

I opened my eyes, still savoring the warmth of our kiss, but then I felt a breeze. Not the romantic kind - more like a whisper of chaos. The room twisted, lights flickering like they were caught in a storm. It was as if reality itself couldn't decide where it belonged.

Suddenly, the whole damn place went mad. Lights exploded like fireworks, glass raining down on us. I could barely see, and Castiel, the freaking angel, he just disappeared, leaving me standing there like an idiot.

Confusion slammed into me, mixing with the taste of his lips that lingered like a cruel reminder. I mean, I knew Cas wasn't your regular dude, but this? It was like reality hit the reset button.

I was left alone, surrounded by the wreckage of our moment. The guilt hit me next. Did I do something wrong? Was it the kiss? It felt right, damn it.

Then, this overwhelming sense of being unloved and a failure crashed down on me. Castiel was gone, and I was left with shattered lights and the bitter aftertaste of something that went way beyond my pay grade. Love turned into a messed-up magic trick, and I was the one left wondering where the hell the rabbit went.

It's nuts how you can fall for a total stranger, but those eyes? They're like lyrics from the most beautiful poem. It's as if he was designed for the messy stuff, like protecting us from monsters - his soul caught between duty and something softer, like a damn flower blooming in the mud. Love hits you like a truck, and suddenly you're left with shattered lights, a taste of heaven, and a whole lot of questions.

For the longest time, I carried this notion that I was some kind of screw-up, just drifting through life and squandering my youth. When he saw the good in me, it felt like a lifeline. But leave it to a couple of glasses of wine to turn everything upside down. How naive was I to think that an angel could be in my league?

And now, he's gone. Vanished into thin air. I'm left grappling with the weight of uncertainty - did I shatter his trust? Does he hate me now? It's like standing on the edge of the unknown, and the fear of what I've lost feels heavier than the guilt of what I might have ruined. Love, it turns out, is a tricky game with consequences that hit you harder than any broken glass.

How messed up must that kiss have been for an angel to suddenly discover his powers just to escape me? I mean, he didn't have these super angelic abilities before, as much as I know and he claimed at least, and now, poof, he's pulling a vanishing act. It's like my lips were some kind of poisonous concoction, prompting a crisis that forced the angel to find his hidden defense mechanisms of his angelic nature or something so he could escape.

I crouched on the floor, using my phone's flash light to pick up the pieces of shattered glass. Sleep was a distant thought, and the harsh reality of the situation sobered me up instantly. As I gathered the fragments, a dark cloud settled in my mind, questioning the purpose of continuing if I'm just a pain for everyone around me.

The echoes of self-harm thoughts crept in. It's not my first dance with these shadows, but damn, it took every ounce of strength within me not to be pulled down that abyss. Tears became the silent companions of my night, a pillow soaked with silent despair. The walls of this home expanded, making it feel cavernous and empty. In that moment, I became a failure to myself, lost in the depths of my own struggles.

I felt like a fragmented version of myself, pieces lost in the shadows of this empty house. Some parts of me died right there, and I gave up fighting. It was a surrender to the sinking ship, making peace with the idea that I'll never be whole again.

Being the one getting hurt was something I could handle, but becoming the one who hurts others was a weight I couldn't bear. If Castiel ended up hating me, it wouldn't match the hate I felt for myself. I became my own punishment.

I found myself trapped between yearning for his return, torn by the ache to wait, and the desperate desire to forget him. In this emotional maze, love felt like a one-way journey, a path I walked alone. I didn't even know if he was into men. I had acted so stupid...