The angel I ruined. (Castiel x male reader OC |NSFW|)

Chapter 13: "The Grindr Gamble"

I took a couple of days off work to reflect and ease my mind. I was consumed by worry and self-doubt. The Winchester brothers had left town for a hunt, so I was completely alone.

Was it wrong that I didn't feel fear? Shouldn't facing a creature like that evoke a natural sense of terror within me? Did I act recklessly? Shouldn't fear have paralyzed me, reminding me of the fragility of life? Have I lost touch with my own humanity?

I had dedicated my whole life to saving lives, but when given the chance, I didn't hesitate to take one. Sure, it was a supernatural being that had been causing harm, but it's not like it had a trial and went to prison to pay for its actions. I brutally murdered it.

Another worry crept into my mind, an unsettling thought that struck at the core of my being. I couldn't help but draw parallels between my own behavior and that of my abusive parents. Am I becoming like them? Are these violent tendencies a part of who I am? I've seen the darkness firsthand, and I've seen what it can do to people. I can't let it consume me too. I didn't want to become the person that I always despised, a person who used violence to solve problems.

I had always strived to be better than my parents, to break the cycle of abuse and create a different path for myself. Is there something wrong with me, or did my defense instincts just take control? I had to believe that deep down my intentions were pure.

Amidst the tumult of my thoughts and the weight of my recent experiences, I felt an overwhelming desire for a momentary escape, a chance to embrace normalcy once again. I made a decision to leave everything behind for a little while and indulge in an experience that most people took for granted, a simple date. It had been a long time since I had been on a date, so with my days off, I considered it a good opportunity.

The prospect of engaging in an ordinary activity, free from the supernatural entanglements that nowadays had consumed my life, brought a sense of anticipation and a flicker of hope. I yearned to immerse myself in the simplicity of a shared coffee, a casual conversation, and the possibility of human connection.

Of course, I made the mistake of opening Grindr, as if it had ever turned out well before.I had connected with a guy named Alex and we started casually chatting. He was a handsome man who seemed to be my type. He was tall, with black hair, not extremely thin but with well-defined muscles, and to top it off, he had blue eyes. I hoped that he wouldn't turn out to be a disappointment once he started speaking. I cleaned my home just in case the date went well and he came over.

Picking clothes is such a chore, I never know what I should wear. I ended up dressed with casual sophistication, wearing a dark green Oxford cloth button-down that had a timeless charm and matched my eye color. I paired it with my best black jeans and my clean white sneakers, striking a balance between relaxed and polished. To add a touch of elegance, I wore a sleek silver wristwatch, a gift from my sister. I also applied my favorite cologne and styled my curly dark hair neatly but effortlessly with a bit of product. With a mix of excitement and nervousness, I headed out to meet my potential match.

I reached the coffee shop that we had previously chosen. It was cozy, filled with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the hum of conversation. I sat at the coffee shop, anxiously waiting for Alex to arrive. Minutes turned into what felt like an eternity, and my irritation began to simmer. When Alex finally approached, to my surprise, his appearance was quite different from what he had portrayed online. The profile pictures that had sparked my initial interest seemed to have undergone some magical Photoshop transformation. I didn't mention it, and I tried to focus on his personality. I didn't want to be a shallow person, as they say, "Don't judge a book by its cover," right? However, in reality, I didn't appreciate his lies much, and it seemed to me that he was very self-conscious. The situation was awkward.

As we engaged in conversation, I couldn't help but notice the discrepancies between Alex's exaggerated tales and the reality unfolding before me. As the conversation between us unfolded, Alex leaned forward with excitement gleaming in his eyes. He began to weave a story of epic proportions, claiming that he once single-handedly wrestled a grizzly bear to save a group of hikers.

Afterward, he started ranting about his ex for over half an hour, as if I were the person who needed to know every sordid detail. He went on about who cheated on whom, who couldn't fulfill the other's needs, and countless other unpleasant specifics. He complained about how his ex had "screwed him over" and then proceeded to burst into tears, telling me that I reminded him of his ex.

At some point, he threw a full-on temper tantrum because I asked him not to touch my thigh. Considering that I barely knew him and we lacked any substantial chemistry, it was only natural that I didn't want him invading my personal space.

When I paid for the coffees, I left cash for the tip on the table, but he promptly picked it up and pocketed it. In the end, it seemed like he was expecting a kiss, as he started complimenting my "plump" lips, but I politely shook his hand and made my exit.

This turned out to be an even worse date than I could have ever imagined. Instead of finding someone to bring joy into my life,and make me fall in love again he only managed to ruin my day and dampen my spirits. Providing me with reasons to be hesitant about dating again.

I came home drunk and alone and I swore to never date again. Fun being single right?

Castiel's POV:
As Dean navigated the winding roads, my mind began to wander. Thoughts and reflections danced in my head, fueled by the passing scenery and the comforting rhythm of the Impala's engine.

I had always struggled to connect with humans. Their emotions, their vulnerabilities-they were foreign concepts to me. While Sam and Dean had become like family to me, forging a deep bond over the years, others remained at a distance. And Joe was no exception.

At first, I couldn't quite grasp what made him different from any other human acquaintance.Sam and Dean had formed a close friendship with Joe but I had remained on the periphery, unsure of how to bridge the gap between our worlds. He was just another individual entangled in the web of the Winchesters' world. I couldn't fathom what value he brought to our battles against the supernatural.

But witnessing Joe's bravery and determination in facing the wraith alone, something shifted within me. I saw a strength and resilience in him that I hadn't anticipated. It was as if a dormant ember had ignited, casting a warm light on the depth of his character. How could someone who seemed so ordinary possess such extraordinary courage? I was taken aback, even impressed, by his ability to face the unknown with such audacity.

In that moment, I realized that Joe had something I had often overlooked-a strength that emerged from deep within his soul. It wasn't a supernatural power or celestial grace nor the practice of many years in the hunting field, but a resolute spirit that defied the odds. I couldn't help but acknowledge and appreciate his bravery.

It was a revelation that shattered the walls I had inadvertently built around myself. I resolved to foster a deeper connection with Joe, to truly see him as an ally and friend rather than a mere acquaintance.

In that moment of reflection, I realized that my struggle to connect with humans wasn't insurmountable. Perhaps, through shared experiences and understanding, I could forge connections that transcended the boundaries of the celestial and the mortal, reminding me of the beauty and resilience of humanity.