To my dearest Kazutora (Kazutora x Reader)

23

Y/n's pov:

Next semester starts in a few days so I need to leave tomorrow.
Which means today is the last day I'll be able to see kazutora before leaving for another semester.

With a sigh I got ready, I didn't want to leave yet and spend another three months away from everyone here and especially away from kazu.

And what made it even harder for me is that I didn't get a chance to talk to him about how he feels and how I feel.

The more I think about it I just know he has feelings for me but whenever I try to open this topic he changes it by asking me about different things or just joking about something, and I let him do it because part of me isn't sure about how I feel either, what would I do if he confessed to me now?

Part of me feels giddy just thinking about it, but there is another part that is afraid, cause do I really like him,
I thought about this for days and yes I do find him attractive and yes no one else makes me feel as happy as kazu does.
And yes I might actually like him ... A lot.

But am I ready for a relationship like this? A relationship that I can't even call or text my boyfriend in?

And what if I'm just delusional and he is seeing us as friends only?

I put on my shoes and left the house to the juvie center, my mind kept racing the whole way.

After doing all the security checkup and going to the visiting room I waited for kazu like always and few moments later he showed up with an officer.

He sat down in front of me with his usual warm smile on his face, the smile that I grew to love and that made me always feel at ease.

"You came earlier today" he said happily.
"Yea, I decided to come early cause I'll be leaving tomorrow"
"Oh" his smile flattered.
"Yea..." I said looking down at my hands.
"Time sure flies".
"It does"

There was a pause for a few seconds.
"I'll miss you kazu, three months without seeing you is just too much" I said.
"I'll miss you even more y/n, I wish we could spend more time together".
"Me too, it's not fair"

He slid his hand through the hole in the glass between us to hold my hand "that's okay, we will see each other again" he smiled warmly his touch so soothing.
"Yea, yea we will" I smiled back at him.
"Now let's not make this visit sad, we should make it a happy memory" he retracted his hand and got something from his pocket "here I wrote this letter and wanted to give it to you personally".

I took the letter and started to open it when he stopped me.
"No no, open it when you leave, it's kinda embarrassing watching you read it" he had a slight tint on his face, it was so cute I never saw kazu being shy before.

I put the letter in my bag "alright, thank you kazu, I'm sure whatever you wrote will make me happy"
"I'm glad, I'll be waiting for your letters"

We kept talking for a while the officer was nice enough to give us some extra time in the visit.

"So, I know you are sad because we won't be seeing each others for a while but aren't you happy that you are going back to your friends?" He asked.
"Well I do miss sharing a room with senju, she made college fun for me" I said remembering the short haired girl.

"Oh, that's nice" he paused "what about Mitsuya?" He asked nonchalantly.
I furrowed my eyebrows "what about him?"
"Do you ... Miss him?" It sounded like he wasn't sure of his question.
"I don't know, I mean we text sometimes so maybe a little?"
"Oh... Okay"

I sighed "you are doing it again".
This time he was the one furrowing his eyebrows "doing what?"
"Hiding things, you know you can tell me anything Kazu".
"What do you mean? I'm not hiding anything?"

I paused, should I really keep pressing him to say something, what if it's all in my head?

I shook my head "you always act different whenever Mitsuya is mentioned, you lied when I asked you if you liked that necklace, and now you acted differently when I said I might be missing him a little, Kazu if there is something you are hiding just tell me, please"

He frowned but stayed silent averting his eyes away from me.

"Don't you trust me?"
"I do trust you".
"Then why are you hiding things from me?"
"Because I'm not ready y/n" he snapped "I can't even have my own phone let alone talk about how I feel"

Stunned by his outburst I stayed silent.

"I know I deserve to be here but it's cruel ... It's cruel that I can't even say that I-" he stopped himself from continuing and took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry y/n but, I should go back" he said getting up "hope your next semester is great"

"What? W-wait! Kazu!!" I yelled for him but he didn't turn around he just left me alone in the empty room.

Kazutora's pov:

I deserve it.
But how long do I have to stay in this suffering?

I do deserve it.
But I'm tired, I feel suffocated.

I wish I could just tell her how much I love her, how much she means to me.
But I'm just a criminal, why would she even like me? I'm lucky enough to have her as a friend already.

That if we stayed friends after what just happened.

Do I really deserve all this?
Am I that horrible of a person?

Yea.... Yea I probably am.
And this is how I'm paying for my bad deeds.

A/n: this was so messily written but let me know if you liked it.

My cat started going through labor while I was writing this, still not giving birth yet but soon I think so pray for her☺️

Anyway love you all❤️