Why Me: Book 1

Chapter 2: The Acceptance Letter

You turned the page

I burned the book

It was 4 pm when I got home, and I wanted to cook rice, prepare dinner. My parents never forced me to, but it's just something I had to do. Unwritten Asian rules. I heated up the cooked food that I'd prepared for school for dinner. I texted my mom that I got home and she told me what I was going to do. "Alexa, play Becky G", she's one of my favourite Latina singers. And her teeth gap? adorable.

Alexa started playing her songs while I 'd cook. The food would be in the fridge, cooking rice was easy and annoying at the same time. Although it only requires patience, my head doesn't have it, at least not now, and only a tiny mistake could ruin the texture. My phone wrung, I could feel my heart pop out of my chest. I could hear my own heartbeat, my hands shaking. Why worry? It's Katherine.

Oh how I hated vulnerability. I took a breather, my palm caressing my chest, I wiped my hands and called her again since I missed her call. I was too busy thinking what I should even tell her. God, learning from your mistakes can be so embarrassing. She picked up the third ring and the moment I saw her face, I broke down.

"What happened? Tell me what happened between you and Jason." There was concern on her face, no matter my questionable decisions, she's here for me. I told her everything. It felt like a confession, for whatever reason. From the sexting up to the day he asked me to be in the computer lab and texted me if he wanted to do it, not like sex but do it orally.

I agreed, I should've thought about it more instead of jumping into decisions. I let out a disappointed sigh. Told her that we stopped talking after one of our close friends decided to hook me up with him and told him about it. Made him delete all my pictures and videos that I sent him until I made him screen record it for proof.

As I explain things to her, I realize more and more how embarrassing this is. Which makes it worse for me to be open about it. He sent me the proof and my pictures were gone. Videos as well. Before this all happened, we both went to Katherine to tell her what Jason and I would do.

Friends with benefits, the only difference is that... no sex. I told him that I was waiting, and he complained about it. At first, I didn't think much of it until I realized he was after my virginity all along. He just wanted to have fun and I fell into his trap. After telling her the entire story, she asked me if I was going to tell my mom. I took a sharp breath and thought about it hard.

"Maybe, I don't know yet. I am scared though."

"I am so sorry he was like that." She felt sad for me. He knew what he was doing and continued doing it. At this point, I will hate him forever. "It's whatever, I might tell my mom if I don't know what to do."

Which ...I did. The reason why my mom is currently lecturing me, while on the verge of tears after I told her exactly what I told Katherine. She even asked me if I was in love with him and I cringed. Told her that I was only attached. Honestly, I don't even know why I got attached to him in the first place. How do I explain this to my traditional mother? Hell, even I don't understand modern dating, or not dating? All of it.

My mom is very disappointed in me, so am I to myself. I hate myself, I'm disgusted that I even let someone like him touch me like that. The bad thing is that it already happened. I can't go back in time and change what happened. So, I'll accept it, it is what it is.

"The only person that can touch you is your husband. I want you to pray to God, ask for his forgiveness. Elena, next time, you come to me when you're being involved with a guy. Let me help you deal with these kinds of boys. The first time is a mistake, the second time is a choice."

I nodded my head, letting her words marinate into my brain. After her going on and on and on, I informed her about the letter from Vancouver Island. She raised her brow at me, telling me to continue. "I told ninang about it. Told her that I wanted to go there, study there."

With a sigh she responds, "I can't tell you where you can't and can go anak. If you really want to go there, we will support you. Open the letter when you're ready and come find me when you find out the contents." Her expression melted into softness, we smiled and hugged each other tightly. "You always come to me, okay? I am your best friend, your mother, your sister. I'm the only person you got." I nodded, and she kissed my head.

But that's the thing with me, no matter how much reassurance I got externally, my internal dialog didn't change. I paced to my room to cry it out and hit a pillow, screaming into it. How can someone like me think a guy would take an interest in me? Like come on, I am overweight, I have stretch marks, hip dips, I love too much, and I stutter for Pete's sake. No one will like me.

They prefer girls that are skinnier, white, colored eyes, light hair, smart, don't stutter and hits the gym. I am not like them and will never be. Men in Toronto are trash, it makes you wonder how they could get a wonderful woman who will go above and beyond for them.

While I am grieving my broken heart, the white envelope is still waiting to be opened. I forgot about it, damn negative emotions. The letter says my name, the address and where it came from. Vancouver Island University.

I got out of my misery for a quick second, ripped open the end of the letter, took the neatly folded paper and held onto it for a few seconds until my hands started unfolding them of their own accord.

Dear Ms. Elena Rivera

We are pleased to let you know that you have been accepted to Vancouver Island University for Business and Commerce.

I stopped reading and breathing all at once. My heart was beating rapidly, and I was still holding onto the paper, not letting go of it. Finally, I snapped out of my trance and re-read the letter once again. My tears have dried out, my frown is now grinning.

No matter what you are going through, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Getting accepted into a University I have dreamt so hard to make into reality, might change the course of my life.

With this, my past in Toronto can stay here while starting a new one in Vancouver at the same time. Life is good. Who was even crying twenty seconds ago?

I was not going to tell my circle anything until I had fully decided about it. I would only tell them a month before I leave for Vancouver. I grabbed my phone, quickly snapping a picture to my aunt of the results. She would see it when she woke up.

For now, I was still in cloud 9, not believing I might leave Toronto behind, and I'd get to explore a different kind of city and province by myself. I'd get to explore a whole different province for four years, stay there permanently if I wanted to. For now, I have to keep this a secret from my friends. This was all so much, and I couldn't be more grateful.

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