Chronicles of Myth Volume One: Twisted Daydreams

Scene Fifty-two

"Some days I wish I could settle all my problems with my gun". Louis smiled at me, "If the world worked that way, we'd shoot everything". I spun my cylinder, "You're right, I would". "Guess it's my turn now". I looked at the pyre in front of me, I looked to my left and saw Galahad looking at his pyre: "It's always the shit closest to home, that hits you hardest". Thane and Louis watched over the ritual, "Now we pay back the favor". I faced Galahad before we walked into the blaze lit on the asphalt, our bodies were consumed by the fires of our grief; I stood in a white void face to face with Galahad... behind us were the skeletons we tried to put rest, everything that we buried under false pretenses and countless excuses, is now facing us ready to return the favor. I sat down with Galahad amongst the shallow graves: "At the heart of things we are both men of war, originally I thought my life was to be a weapon trained, I'm just an empty shell with a touch of death". He looked at me with sympathy, "What are we anyways... battle is how we defined our lives, how we defined our existence as living souls; if we are only just suits of armor trained to look at the world through the barrel of a gun what different are we from the beasts we try to kill"? "In fact how do we define reality"? "We'll have to answer these questions on our own". We stood up and walked away from the center of the void, into a fog of mystery and doubt— for a while all was black and nothing seemed right, the world we were thrust into without our consent, the way everything we love was taken from us, the way we could never have a chance to live a normal life; that was all taken from us when signed up for this path, all the battles that drive our hearts deeper into hatred their the things that shape us into the monsters, the men we are today, I looked around and saw the color start to come in, reds and browns; I smelled iron in the air and sadness was bleeding out of the corpses filling up the roads, even though we were two different people we ended up back on the same battlefield that sparked the change to shape us into kinder assholes than who we were; the long and short of it is, we learned to have compassion so for now we'll spare you the details of the traumatizing incidents that made us question reality and et cetera, to begin: before meeting Ashton or the rest of our merry band of misfits; in my case I was one of few humans who can see and interact with the fae world, from what I've seen: they were barbarous creatures' hell bent on ravaging the world, like all other extremists I was bred with hate and a sense of fear; for some reason or another this is how all things begin, you as an ignorant life amongst countless others band together and walk into a new world, full of unknowns and limitless potential, only when we're over our heads do we begin understand exactly what we are becoming and by that time: it's far too late to change old habits, but we can sure as hell try to fix what we fucked up in the first place. Death can mean many things, an end or in my case a beginning, to get the point it's time for renewal, but the thing I find ironic is that is you have to die a thousand times to truly experience life, to all the fuck ups out there, it's okay if you fall flat on your ass and into the mud; but you know what get on your feet and keep on running, the reason people like me never die: because there is so much more to live for, than any number of doubts to make you quit. You will get pushed on the ground and kicked in the nuts, when you least expect it to happen, but get back up and keep punching away; when there is an obstacle in your path blow it down and to kingdom come, you're not guaranteed a win just because you show up for a fight, you've got to fight with all your heart and soul then maybe you'll pull through without feeling shit, the way we soldiers define life is with the art of war, it's our business and a shitty one at that, but we keep fighting and pushing on to whatever hopes, dreams we carry with us onto that blood soaked field, we crave instability or to be more accurate the skill to handle instability and maintain control when we're under pressure... it's a double edged sword, the desire for control: it's only natural to want power, but you have to make sure that strength doesn't end up consuming you, that it doesn't make you hateful or bitter of those you work with, those you trust with your life... and damn it, whatever you do never give up that future you're fighting for. The problem with me and many other people is that we forget everything we're fighting for, the reason why we get up in the morning to crack open skulls; the why is just as important as the how, sometimes even more so... like I said before death can mean so many things: to bring life to a close, or set a trigger that starts everything again: I'm happy for the life I have, I'm lucky to have met these people and even on their worst days, I don't give two shit's if that's how they are; the first friends I could trust completely, the first people I could love sincerely, it may sound silly but this is all I have left, from life's previous end to this new life I was thrust into, these people and the memories I made are the only things I have with me now, the fact this true doesn't bother me one bit. Finally I feel like I can be happy with who I am, I can let go of the fears holding me back; despite the world being such a mean and nasty place, I understand why people are stubborn enough to keep on going and that takes so much more than yourself to drag on through hell, through all the storms and disasters that hit us so hard. It's up to you to accept what I'm saying as genuine or not, but when I say screw it; I mean it from the bottom of my heart, screw the shit that says we can't do anything worthwhile. I finally see what that possibility is, the one that bastard always brags about; the question: what if? That's all that needed to find a way to get the pipe dreams we chase after, now I understand what it means to be alive.