Freeing My Alpha: Book 2 of My Shy Alpha

Chapter 14

But there has to be something deeper in Amy's tears than just breaking our almost-agreement. I chew on my lip, struggling to figure it out. It's not easy when I also have a whirlwind of emotions blasting through our bond, and I can't figure out what my mate is thinking either.

Until he wraps his arm around Amy and I, pulling the three of us into a side hug. His voice is even gentler than usual. "It means a lot to you too, doesn't it? Becoming a mom."

Amy's soft cries pause - until they erupt. She breaks into full-blown sobs, nodding her head as Noah and I share a pained glance over her silky red hair.

"Yes, I–" Amy's cries choke out her words. "I'm really afraid I'll fuck it all up somehow. What if I'm not cut out for this?"

For the first time since I entered Amy's apartment, my shoulders relax. I smile, running my fingers through her hair. "Guess what, A?"

Amy groans, "Oh, Aliya, don't–"

"Maybe you will fuck something up," I say. Amy glares, but the second we meet eyes, we burst into laughter. "Or..."

"Maybe I won't, I know. I set myself up for that one."

I settle against her side, relishing in my two best friends smiling next to me. "I know I'm not hard to predict, but I'm serious, A. I've always been terrified I'll fuck up everything in the world, but especially motherhood. And I honestly don't think there's a mother out there who hasn't screwed up - at least a little."

Amy shrugs, her forehead warping back into overwhelm.

"That doesn't mean you're not cut out for this," I say.

She huffs. "But I'm not like you, Aliya. I don't have that sweet, nurturing side that kids are drawn to, and I don't have Kira's goofy side that would make them laugh." I glare at her, and Amy laughs. "Don't look at me like that!"

"Don't talk to my best friend like that, then!" I rub my forehead into her shoulder until she falls onto her side of the mattress in a giggling heap. "I don't know where this is coming from after I've spent my whole life laughing beside you, and being comforted by your presence."

Amy is silent for a long while.

My stomach squirms, especially as Noah remains even more silent than usual, his swirling emotions in our bond leaving me curious and confused.

But as Amy dissolves into soft sniffles, my heart breaks.

"What's wrong, really?" I ask.

"They sent us a photo," Amy whispers.

My heart skips. "Of a pup?"

Amy reaches for her phone, tapping her passcode wrong twice with shaky fingers. By the time she finally unlocks it, her ribcage tightens in my arms with her held breath.

Amy pulls up a picture of a small Lycan pup, and the air is sucked from my lungs too. The second I see this sweet baby's tight brown curls, round, curious eyes, and pouty bottom lip, I know in my heart she's Amy's and Kira's. I cover my gaping lips, my forehead already contorting through the start of fresh tears.

Amy does a double-take over her shoulder. "No, Aliya! Stop it!" She lets out a sharp sob, and we both dissolve into weepy, disastrous laughter. "Dammit! She's just–"

"Beautiful," I choke out, my heart pounding into overwhelm. "Oh, my God, she's so little."

"She's only 20 months old," Amy whimpers.

Noah sucks in a sharp breath, peeking over Amy's shoulder to view her with us. As Amy and I continue to melt into a puddle of mush, Noah's eyes rim in red - except he has the biggest smile he can manage.

"I can feel how much you already love her," he mutters.

Amy whimpers, burrowing her face into her pillow. I rub Amy's back, my heart aching as a massive wave of tumultuous emotions pour from her scent. Noah catches my eyes in concern, and I bite my lip.

"A, I can only guess how overwhelming or exciting this must be, but I don't fully understand what's making you smell so sad. I can feel how much you want this, but–"

Amy lifts her head to suck in desperate air. When she speaks, her voice is clouded with congestion. "But that's just it. I want this, but does she? She lost everything already. What if I'm not enough for her? What if I fail her?"

My heart rips. I shut my eyes, breathing through Amy's pained cries.

I snuggle up to her side as tight as I can press. "All you can do is your best. And from all the love you've given me, I know your best can save her life, no matter how imperfect your best might be."

Amy drops her hot forehead into my chest and releases the rest of her tears. With Noah and my hands on her back, it only takes two full minutes of Amy letting it all out for her breath to slow, her eyes falling shut to my gentle scratches against her scalp.

"You're right. She needs us, either way. Her biological parents passed, one after the other, and there are too many other pups to adopt. The orphan rate is higher than ever with all the Rogues seeking asylum and dying from broken mate bonds," Amy mutters.

I glance up at Noah, startled by this.

He nods, but he can't bear to hold eye contact. "A lot of Rogue Omegas are sacrificing their lives for their pups' safety before dying from their broken mate bonds. But the orphan rate is higher than humans for Lycans in general with how many mates die together, leaving their kids."

My stomach drops. "I never fully thought through how much higher it'd be."

But now that I am thinking about it, my heart speeds into a sprint. Noah and I are interlocked so deeply, there's no way we won't both die when one of us does. What's going to happen to our future kids? Is it irresponsible of me to want them, just to guarantee them to be left all alone later in life? Maybe even early in life, with how much danger Noah faces daily? I know he doesn't tell me how bad it really is, and the more I've listened to small hints lately, the worse his situation has seemed.

Noah's hand lands on my shoulder, and I jump. He shoots me an apologetic glance, his forehead knitted and eyes scanning my face. Are you okay?

I sigh, adjusting my cuddle on Amy until we've mashed into one tangled unit. Yeah, mostly. That's just a scary thought.

It is. He drops his stare, analyzing Amy's slackening body in my arms. But it's life, isn't it? Like you've said to me, everything in life except death is uncertain.

I swallow hard. He's right, it is life. Now that I know I'm a Lycan, I can't escape this added complication to my own mortality.

Of course no one likes death, but to imagine my dear Noah leaving this earth? My eyes brim with tears, but my body doesn't stop there. A literal, physical pain hammers down on my heart, restarting my breath as I wince. I nuzzle into Amy's cheek to soothe myself, and she nuzzles harder back, still half asleep. But before I can torture myself any further, a soft knock at Amy's bedroom doorframe turns all three of our heads.

Kira gives us a sad smile. "Mind if I join you?"