Freeing My Alpha: Book 2 of My Shy Alpha

Chapter 8

CONTENT WARNINGS: emotional mentions of past abuse and misogyny, PTSD episode

Author's Note: I thought you might enjoy knowing that when reading their handwriting in this chapter, Noah's handwriting will be notated in italics, and Aliya's handwriting is shown as regular.

***

My heart burns. Noah's emotions are slowly returning to my awareness, and they're too much to bear. What the hell happened that feels so unfixable to my powerful mate?

Noah takes a deep, shuddering breath as his wolf frantically paces across our bond. "But at least I haven't tried to track down Barrett yet. There's still hope there. I swear, there's hope."

I'm nauseous. "You want to track him? And then what?"

He shrugs, keeping his forehead in his palms. "File that restraining order, for one."

My heart leaps. I mentioned my rejected restraining order to Noah one single time.

Revealing bloodshot, weary eyes, Noah tilts his head, blinking at the blank lined paper between us. "But if he's a Lycan, I can do a lot more."

My stomach growls, and Noah lifts an eyebrow at me. He breaks into a smile, but I shake my head, unable to laugh.

"I don't like this. I don't know what you're thinking, and I'm starting to get triggered, myself."

Noah rounds the counter to sit on the barstool beside me, his smile fully erased. "I'm not thinking about anything I'm not saying aloud. I just can't–"

He drops my stare, taking a shuddering breath. God, the way he just croaked out that last word physically hurt my nerves with the pain it carried. When he speaks again, he erases the ache in his voice.

"I can't stomach telling you about what I've failed to do in the past, or why I failed at it. That's why I'm extra weird. I'm sorry."

Rubbing Noah's arm feels like a pathetic attempt at comfort, but I'm unable to find the right words. I don't know enough to know what's true, but I doubt Noah failed at anything. That sounds more like his disorder making him extra harsh toward himself.

Noah doesn't seem to notice I haven't spoken, his knee bouncing as he returns to rubbing his head. "But if Steven is a Lycan, I can put word out that he's not allowed around our Omegas, our women, or any of our ally packs. That's the least I should do, other than locking him up for what he did to you if he takes a single step onto our territory."

My heart races just as fast as Noah's pacing wolf. Noah isn't just telling me he'll take me seriously — he's already acting on his words. I don't know how to process it.

A strange guilt creeps in, warning me I'm taking too much space. Soon enough, Noah could get sick of my bullshit, just like Steven, so I shouldn't put any extra stress on Noah. To stay safe, I have to keep the peace.

But with my intensifying emotions, Noah's eyes glow yellow. "He'll be a rightful outcast, and assumed guilty far quicker if he ever pulls anything even close to harassment of anyone else. I can't let that happen to any of us again, Aliya. I won't."

His breath shakes through every word, but now I certainly feel something - his anger in our bond is just as strong as my heartache. I'm so grateful for him, but I know Noah's wolf better than this. He's been weird lately, brooding and quiet for his usually excitable puppy self.

I suck in a sharp breath. This might finally be it; what Noah is doing for me is exactly what he needs someone to do for him.

But fuck, I can't. I don't have the skills to track his monster, let alone prevent them from hurting anyone else. Even if I was stronger, I wouldn't know where to begin. I don't have the resources or skills to protect Noah. He's the one teaching me how to function like other Lycans in the first place. Who am I to think I can solve this massive, terrifying problem for him?