Darkness Is The Only Light: Mafia Romance (18+)

Chapter 36 | Shot you down

Alone in the dark.

I am still curled up in a ball, pretending, imagining as if this position could actually protect me from him... ain't I stupid?
Like I mentioned I am laying down on the floor between my bed and the doors leading to the bathroom. Naked and ruined.

Exactly the way he left me.

I've not moved since he left, I haven't been able to. Chest aching, body shuddering, breath shaking. The comfort that the soothing scent of fresh rain and forest, his hipnotizing scent, has been giving me has faded. I don't know what kind of the comfort was actually even there.. Demetrios would make me regret my birth if he found out about this. I don't think I have to further assure how he scares me to death, yet the thing I don't understand is the way I felt last night. The feeling was strange. It was different. I wished for him. Perhaps I've come to realize that as much as his bare presence scares me, makes me feel beyond nervous, accelerates my heartbeat and I cannot possibly even think clearly when he's around, in some twisted addition to all that he can also make me feel safe.

And truth be told I do need to feel safe. I need someone to keep me safe, someone to take care of me. Someone to care for me. I wish I had someone like that in my life. After years of abuse from men in my life I just want a loving relationship, is that really too much to ask? Although I know that my wish will never come true, at least not while I'm being owned by that monster.

I was sexually and physically abused by my kidnapper's cousin. I still can't believe that really happened, my mind feels so fuzzy and cloudy. It all seems like a bad, bad dream.

Small sun ray of dawn peaking through the white curtain, resting on my naked body lets me know that I've stayed like that the whole night. Drop of light playing on my skin, my eyes can once again convince my mind that what happened to me was, in fact, real.
Dark red fluid covering my right breast, drop-like circles of blood decorating my chest, feeling congleaded blood smeared over my jaw, taste of metal in my mouth. Arms, chest, legs are covered in red and pink lines, skin lightly torn. Slowly rising my hand, blinking to adjust my tired red eyes I see dead skin stuck behind my fingernails.

What have I done?

I vaguely remember that I just wanted to get him off me. Must've stratched myself for quite a while. Stupid girl, hurting yourself too, like all others aren't enough.

But I don't have the heart to blame myself more right now, honestly I really couldn't care less about small cuts from my stratching. I just wanted to get him off me. He is disgusting, he is a coward. Fucking asshole.

What kind of a man preys on and abuses young girls because he's too damn afraid to confront his cousin? That's not even a man, that's a pussy.

But scary pussy, psychotic pussy and, unfortunately, way stronger pussy than me.

Running my hands through my face I try to find my strenght and get myself together. There is no point of further feeling sorry for myself and overthinking stuff. I feel so beyond dirty and disgusting. I have to get him off me. Now.

Pushing myself up on my feet I realize my whole body hurts. Ugh, being curled up on the floor for 10 hours really doesn't do good to your bones. Ouch.
Taking a step I nearly fall, stumbling forwards then quickly holding onto the wall for support, slowly making my way into the bathroom.

Closing the doors behind me I make my way forward to the shower cabin. I debate in my mind whether to turn myself towards the mirror and put an image to my ruined mind or not. Eventually deciding not to give myself that before having the chance of washing him off me I ignore the mirror above the sink and slump onto the shower cabin, closing it up. Turning on the water I don't even bother to check or wait for a nice temperature, crunching I sit down on my butt, bringing my knees to my blood-stained chest once again, letting cold water pour over me. I don't have the energy to start washing myself right now. I'm so drained, physically and mentally. I guess I'll just wait like that for a while.