The thing that makes me smile the most - A Fremione Story

22.

"I'm ready to listen." She said, tracing a finger down his cheek.

"Well ever since what happened to me happened, I've been thinking about it. A lot. These past few months, it's been you that's on my mind and I haven't really thought about it much. And..." he said, trailing off. A lump was beginning to form in his throat.

He got up and went into his desk drawer and picked up a piece of paper.

"It's probably better if you read this." He said, handing her the note with shaky hands.

She sat up and took it from him. She held his hand to stop it shaking.

"I'm gonna go downstairs and let everyone know I'm alright while you read it." He said, his voice wavering.

"You sure you're ready for me to read this?" She asked.

Fred nodded, unable to say anything. He got dressed and shut the door gently behind him. A single tear dropped from her eye as she red his words.

The letter read:

Hermione,

I have some explaining to do. So much in fact that I have to write it down because I can't always say the things I want to out loud.

You know what happened to me at the battle of Hogwarts and you know it's hard for me to talk about. Sometimes I think about it and I get scared. I'm not always okay and I struggle with communicating that.

When I was underneath that rubble, I thought that was it. I thought it was going to die and I was so afraid and alone. But just as the life started to leave me, my last thought was you because if there was one image I wanted to see in my last moments, it was you.

I have these bad dreams sometimes and I go back to that place with the dust filling my lungs but sometimes I dream that I'm with you and you help me. I'm still scared in the dream but I take comfort in the fact that you're there with me because I know that wherever I am, if you're there with me I'll always be okay.

From the moment I first met you, I admired you. The way you treated Ron made me laugh because nobody's had that effect on him before. You always kept him in line and I found it hilarious. And then my admiration for you turned to friendship and the friendship turned into a crush and then the crush turned into love.

Sometimes I'd show off to you because I wanted to make you laugh, to make you happy and by the time it got to the Yule ball I so desperately wanted to ask you to go with me. I wanted to dance with you and tell you just how I felt but then I got scared and I just tried to forget it.

The truth is, I've loved you for years now and I didn't care that you never noticed it, or perhaps you did, I'm not sure. But I don't care about that. I care for you more than you could ever imagine and that's why I want to tell you how I really feel. 

I'm really worried about the things that are happening to me and I'm scared they might get worse. Occasionally it gets really bad and I'm convinced I'm back in that horrible place. Now if I've given you this letter, I hope we're dating instead of you just coming across it and me looking like a total pratt, but I don't want us to go into something without you knowing the consequences of getting into a relationship with me.

I'm not always going to be okay all the time and sometimes I will have moments where I think that I'm back there. I'd like to spend the rest of my days with you but I can't guarantee all of those days will be happy because I will have setbacks and I will have nights where I'm too afraid to sleep.

Please don't feel any obligation or pressure to look after me all the time, the last thing I want to be is a problem but know this, Hermione Granger. You are the thing that makes me smile the most and you are the light that guides me through the darkest of times.

Love, always

Your Fred

Of course it was traumatising for him. Fred never ever spoke about his problems. She knew she had to be extremely gentle with him.

He'll come back when he's ready. She thought to herself. She didn't want to spring anything on him he wasn't ready for.

Her heart ached at the thought of Fred in this much pain. She waited, hunched on the bed for him to come back and after about 20 minutes, he did.

"Hey." He said softly.

Hermione said nothing, she just hugged him. He buried his face in her neck to hide his watering eyes.

"Do you still want to be with me?" He asked, his voice wavering with sadness.

"Oh Fred." She whispered. "I love you so, so much, you do realise that?"

"Mmm." He mumbled into her skin. 

"And I've waiting so long to be with you, I'm not going anywhere, okay? Of course I want to stay with you, even if there's bad days ahead. Don't ever think I would leave you over this." She said, rubbing his back.

"Hey it's okay." She soothed as she heard him sniffing and sobbing quietly.

"Come on, lie down." She said softly.

He did so, trying to hide his tears from her.

She cuddled up close to him, resting her chin on his head and stroked his hair gently until he stopped crying and relaxed. How silent he was is what scared her most.

Just when she thought he was asleep, he leant his head upwards and kissed her gently. She smoothed his hair with her fingers intertwining through his auburn locks.

"I'm so glad I've got you." He said. "You save me every day, Hermione."

"I'll always be here to, just like you will with me." She said.

He got up onto his elbows, placing his arms either side of her and gently lay on top of her. This time it was nothing sexual, just Fred Weasley's lips on hers. He stroked her cheek gently and smiled into her lips.

This was a completely different Fred Weasley than the one who was crying into her shoulder a few moments ago.