The Blood Puppeteer { BNHA Villains x fem!OC }

50 - Acceptance

"It takes Strength to make your way through Grief, to grab hold of Life and let it pull you forward."

A few weeks have passed. About a month actually. My behaviors changed, at least I think it has, my only indication is the guys. They seem less stressed out, less exhausted. So I'm doing something right. It's still hard for me to gauge things, I still feel pretty numb to most of it.

I've been training a lot with Shigaraki. The first few sessions were rough. I had to gauge how much I had gotten hurt and act properly to being injured. I've been much more weary of getting hit. Mostly because acting like I notice the pain has been getting really challenging.

Shigaraki wasn't lying when he said he had some ideas to help build up my quirk, even so far as to how to improve it. The first week or so was solely focused on lessening the side effects. But since then we've added a few things. I've gotten pretty proficient in switching who I'm controlling quickly. Without risking controlling two people at once. I've learned to fight through my side effects, though recovering from them is still quite tolling.

Dabis attended every session. But he won't fight me. He just observes. I can't shake the feeling that he's... still wary of me losing control again. I've had a very good handle on myself while I trained. I've been obedient and weary of getting hurt. All the things that seem to make the boys feel better. I've even stopped going into my room. It's become a bit of a habit to fall asleep on the couch when getting home from training.

The guys started to sleep near me. Whether by my feet or on the other end of the couch. It seems more like a protective comfort for them. It eases their minds so who am I to argue with them? I don't want them exhausted and drained anymore...

Despite all of this... I've still felt numb. Tired and drowning. Sleep isn't a safe place. I still get nightmares of Amoras death. I'm haunted by that day. I've kept my mouth shut, I still don't feel up to talking... I don't get much sleep as the boys probably would've liked. But some nights I just can't get myself to do it.

I haven't seen Slayer in my dreams anymore. Nor do I hear the voices. But I do sit in that darkness. Alone. Quiet. Numb. I can't keep sitting there. But I do... maybe Slayer will come back? But then again so may the voices... Despite my conflicted feelings I still sit there, drowning in the silence. Slayer never does show...

A few days ago Shigaraki introduced a new game to training. It's an odd one. I can't understand his goal with this one. But I play anyway. It goes like this: I use my quirk for a while during training sessions. By the end of it Shigaraki sends me deep into the woods while I'm under the worst of my effects. He sends a League member in the woods after me and the game begins. The goal of the game is for me to escape the League member while I'm suffering from the worst of my quirks effects.

I've tried a few things. I tried hiding, I tried running, I even tried fighting. But I just can't seem to win. Yesterday we played this game and I was pretty out of it. I was sick of losing and just exhausted. So, I ran into the clearing with Toga chasing close behind me, Dabi and Shigaraki were talking. In my loopy state I ran to them and ducked behind them for protection.

That was the first time I won the game.

In that moment, Dabi placed me behind him and Shigaraki called Toga off. In my out of it mental state, I... actually relaxed. I felt safe. I felt protected. I slept well that night. Finally I decided I was done waiting in that dark hole.

-

"We're done for the day." Shigaraki stated.

The sun was starting to rise. We had been training the majority of the night leaving me rather exhausted. Shigaraki walked over to My. Compress to talk to him about my progress and how the session went.