The Blood Puppeteer { BNHA Villains x fem!OC }

21 - One Goal at at Time

The past few hours I've been mute. Not because I'm depressed or upset. No, I've been trying to process it all. When Shigaraki and Dabi left me alone I headed back into the bar. At first I was relieved to know a mission was already set up. But then I got thinking about what Shigaraki said and overall what's happened.

I thought about what I could've done to stop the explosion or at the very least how I could've grabbed the kid. I came to the conclusion there really wasn't anything I could've done in the moment, but it still feels like I could've saved her.

Overhaul killing me was the next thing to take over my thoughts. I thought about what he did. How his quirk must work. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that he blew up and rebuilt me in a matter of seconds. The thought of my missing scar made me second guess if I was even truly myself. Honestly I still don't have a certain answer for that...

Reluctantly I thought about the nightmare next. It was painful to think about, but a mild headache compared to the migraines I used to get. It all added up. I knew the memory, what scared me the most was how Dabi said I acted. He said it was like I thought I was still there. Honestly it felt like I just woke up when I noticed Dabi in front of me. The day in that memory was a very rough time for me. I thought of reasons why it would come up. The only one I could think of at the moment was the fact I lost my home in both events.

The thing that had me stuck analyzing the most was what Shigaraki said. He yelled out so many things it was too much to process in the moment. But after a bit of separating and thinking over his words I think I figured it all out.

What set him off was my apologizing. It seemed to snap him out of some kind of dead state. He was pissed off at first. But the second time I apologized he seemed disappointed or upset that I did. I'm still uncertain about what he wanted me to do apology wise.

He mentioned my full name at first. I think he did that to tell me he knew who I was just to get to me. But he waited to mention something about my family name until later. He asked me if I killed my family. Now that I'm sitting here thinking about it I know I didn't do it. He asked if I wished they'd died like I did upon him. Honestly I didn't want them to all die, but I was upset. I only ever truly wanted my mother to die. Only her. I don't want Shigaraki to die. Despite the occasional back and forth between us I've grown to enjoy his company.

Next he brought up the time we met. He said it in a third person point of view. At first referring to himself as villain. Though he was yelling it almost seemed like he was complimenting me. The way he worded it gives me the idea that I impressed him somehow. Even if only a little.

Then he said I lied to him. I lied about my villainous past. What sucks is he might be right. Even if I didn't mean to, in a way, I might've lied to him. I don't know much about Narig Wonders. In fact I have no idea how it shut down... But Shigaraki does. He said I led him to believe I had no villainous past, when I myself don't remember having one. He said the public gave me a name. I wonder what the name was. Ugh, it's so infuriating not remembering who you were and what you did. I decided on just looking it up myself or asking Shigaraki later.

The last thing that didn't really catch my attention at first was what Shigaraki said a bit later. He said he couldn't think straight with me around. At the moment I thought it was because I was doing something, but I was also trying to process it all and just threw whatever could be logical for an explanation. Besides I couldn't do anything to mess with his head, at least not on purpose. Playing the words over and over in my head I thought about what he meant.

Kurogiri passed me a drink, finally snapping me out of my thoughts. Glancing around I noted that the bar hasn't changed since I came in. Looking at the glass I watched as the water in the glass settled after being set down.