Sunshine ~Jilix (Book two of Boxer)

Jisung POV (A Year Later)

AN: a few things. song for the chapter Hug by Seventeen. And a bunch of warnings.

⚠️There will be talk about death, a lot of death talk, talk of abortion⚠️

Sorry for the sad chapter

I stared at the ten positive pregnancies test. My heart was at my stomach, I started to cry, "Baby?" Lixie called out, I just sobbed louder, "Sungie." I felt arms around me, crying on Lixie, as my heart continued to break.

"Oh love bug." He pulled me close, holding me tight, as I broke down. You would think ten positive pregnancies test would bring joy, but it didn't, it only brought heart ache to me. The last year and half, I have lost two of our pups. Our last pup went through all nine months until the day I was to give birth, our pup stopped breathing. My depression is getting worse, saying it is my fault, and it is. I can't give birth to any of our pups, I have no faith in this one. But god, I want to have faith so much faith in this pup.

"Lixie, I can't. Not right now." I sobbed hard into his chest, he didn't let go of me, he started to cry as well.

"I can't go through it again. Not a third time." My throat hurt, my head was starting to hurt as well.

"Come on, let's get you to the bed." I heard him sniffle, he picked me up and carried me to our room. In bed, I laid in his lap, Felix whispered words of encouragement, saying that we will figure it out, "I want to get rid of it." "Okay." He said, he kissed my forehead, moving hair out of my face.

"I'll set up an appointment for tomorrow, I'll be right by you." "I'm so sorry, I can't keep any of our pups alive. I just know this one won't make it." "Hey, hey. No, it is not your fault. Remember what our therapist says, the goddess says she has other plans for our pups. It's not your fault, nor will it ever be. The time will come when one day we will be ready and our pup will be healthy and strong. They will be strong like their mama, and healthy like their mama. But right now, they want to help their mama like their papa. We will one day, Sungie." I cried even harder, I'm ripping away this pups life, a chance for Felix to be the papa he has always wanted to be.

"I can't go through with this. Let's try." "Sungie, no. If you think this is right, to stop now. Then we are stopping, I can't see my mate, my husband in pain anymore. It is not the time, your mind, body and heart need too recover. We will try again when all three are healed." "But, I'm ripping away the chance of a pup for you." "Who cares about me. I'm so worried about you, I can be a papa down the road. We both can be parents down the road, when we are healed and ready. But right now? We are neither of those things. So tomorrow, I'm making the earliest appointment possible. We both don't deserve to try a third time and be disappointed. It's especially too much for you to handle, and I can't see you in that state again." He kissed my cheeks, then lips.

"I promise you, we will try again down the road." I nodded my head, "I love you. I love you so so much, its breaks my heart seeing you like this." I sniffled, wiping my nose with the back of my hand, "I love you. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough." "But you are. Remember that, you are strong. We will be parents one day, I promise. If that's trying again in the future or adopting. Whatever you want." "Why me though? What about you?" "I'm not the one that has to carry our pup, so I have no say in that. But with adopting, I want you to make sure you feel as though you are ready for that." "You are also going through this." "But you are more important to me. I hate to think about it, but if something was to happen to you during the birth process, I would never be the same. You are more important then a pup right now. We can try to have another pup, but I can never get another you. I would have you safe, healthy and here, then not." I put my face in his neck, "I'm scared." "So am I, but we can be scared together and strong together at the same time."