Below The Belt

Round 7

DeAndre's POV

I fucked up. I know I fucked up, Tyreek knows I fucked up, my son knows I fucked up, I wouldn't be shocked if Tyreek's friends know I fucked up.

I really wanted to do better for him. I really tried. But at the end of the day, I wasn't as ready as I thought I was... Maybe I jumped the gun by taking him somewhere so public for our date. I should've taken him to dinner somewhere quiet...

I just really wanted to impress him. I wanted him to see how much thought I put into it. But instead I just took us somewhere I wasn't ready to go and pushed him past his limit with my closeted bullshit.

He told me that he isn't mad at me, but I know he's disappointed... And that's lowkey worse.

I did keep my word to him, though. I told him I wasn't giving up, and I meant that.

I want to be with him. I just have to work on being comfortable with who I am first.

Of course, when I told Antwon about what happened, he went off on me. He was the founder and most dedicated member of the DeAndre dating Tyreek fan club, so hearing that I was so close to getting him just to fumble the bag had him pissed at me.

"I just don't get it..." He said for what had to be the hundredth time. "You were literally so close... All you had to do was like... Let his shoulder touch your shoulder when you sit down. How could you fumble that badly? The plan was literally fool proof dude..."

I let out a groan and rubbed my hands down my face. It was bad enough that I was beating myself up about the date. Now I had to deal with my dramatic ass son.

"Which of us just got broken up with? I swear you're acting like you were the one in that Photo Booth."

"Neither of us got broken up with, actually." He said matter-of-factly. "Because you always self sabotage before you can get to the actual dating stage."

He was right... But I still glared at him anyway.

I stared at the pictures from the Photo Booth, gently rubbing my finger over the pictures of Tyreek while Antwon seemed to get lost in thought. No doubt he was trying to think of another plan.

"Stop thinkin', kid." I said after a few minutes, finally dragging him from his thoughts. He turned to give me a confused stare and I continued. "This ain't your problem to fix. I dug myself into this, and imma get myself out of it."

Antwon continued to stare at me with a disbelieving gaze. It almost hurt that he had so little faith in me, but I guess he wasn't exactly given very many examples of me succeeding. I knew I needed to be a better example for him. How could I expect him to finally tell me he's gay when I can't even be brave enough to like a nigga in public?

"I know it's hard to believe me. I probably wouldn't believe me either. But I ain't givin' up on him. I know I want him, I just gotta work on accepting that I like men. And I gotta accept that people will hate me for it, but they ain't gon' beat my ass about it." I never gave a fuck what people thought about me. The fact that I was suddenly so anxious about strangers' opinions of me was confusing.

Internalized homophobia really is a real thing. I thought.

I was pulled from my thoughts by Antwon gently grabbing and squeezing my hand. When I looked over at him, I was met with a small smile. "I believe in you, dad. And I know he does too. He likes you a lot... You know his name for you in his phone is future husband? With a ring emoji?"

I did not know that... But it sounded like the corny shit he would do... Maybe I should change his name in mine.

"What I'm saying is, he isn't giving up on you either. You've got time to figure it out..." He trailed off for a second before continuing, "Don't take too long though. He's a handsome dude, so I'm sure there's, like, a thousand guys waiting to date him."