We Who Are Jaded

Chapter Three

There's little left to do but sigh when left abandoned by Beth. Everything is full and then suddenly so empty all by the absence of her presence. 

My feet planted upon the floor, I lay with my arms spread wide. I measured each passing breath: in and out and in and out. It was not just Beth that had such an affect on me. 

Though nothing like the pain I once knew, Kieran still exhausted every fibre of my being, testing the integrity of my flesh and bone. Staring at the ceiling to centre myself had become something of a new habit. Could I complain?

"You'd be lying to yourself, Evans." I pressed my fingertips to my lips and smirked. I wasn't grinning for long though, the front door slamming in declaration of my family leaving the building. My eyes turned to the ceiling as I attempted to feel something. Was I upset to be left behind by them too?

"Don't lie to yourself, Evans," I murmured, bringing my hand to my heart and curling my fingers into the material of my shirt.

I closed my eyes and turned away from the instinct that dictated I should feel bitter in rejection. Instead I savoured the silence of a moment I might borrow just for me. Tranquillity washed over me, bringing with it the steadying of my breathing. Sleep beckoned without the tainted fingertips of the suicidal gesturing me forth. However, I was not naive enough in my drowsiness to expect Indigo to desert me completely.

Images flashed before my eyelids, a video on fast forward, blurs of time. Nothing remained for long enough for me to fully understand. Kieran. Tom. Devon. Kieran. Beth. Jude. Devon. Mandy. Tom. Devon. Kieran. Tom. Kieran.  

Devon. 

Devon. 

Devon. 

I was up against the wall, Devon's  body pressed threateningly to my own. I felt the agony that had once ruled my body all over again. There was that  burning sensation of his fingertips as they stroked my jaw line felt fresh on my face. In my moment of trance the warm, ragged breath on my skin became all too real. The next few seconds of the illusion staged itself until the pain of my body slamming against the rock face hit me.

I sat up, hot blossoms of sweat lathering my brow. I spluttered, breaths lurching from deep in my chest. An all too familiar panic chocked me and I had to remind myself that this had all happened before again and again and over and over.

When the world stopped spinning I rose from my bed and scraped back my damp hair. I needed to regain control even if I continued to look over my shoulder for those ravenous red eyes.

"Just breathe."

I busied myself with dressing instead of wallowing in those soulless pools of scarlet. Once in a clean shirt I brought my forearm across my forehead and banished the new coat of sweat that dared to cloak me. No sooner had I wiped the perspiration from my face than the flat buzzer rang awakening me from my self indulgent moment of fear.

"Great," I muttered, lunging for my jeans and trying not to break my neck squirming into them. The buzzer rang once more which I met with a foul curse and challenged by rushing down the hall whilst still buttoning my jeans. Pressing the intercom, I expected my hello to be returned with an introduction but none came. I frowned. My confusion only escalated when no knock came at the door.

"I could have sworn..." Bemused, I opened the door and took a turn on the small landing. The possibility of kids playing chappie wasn't all too far fetched but still, they had been persistent enough to convince me to make sure before I retreated into the flat. Glowering at the lock, paranoia drove me to engage it before I made myself vulnerable to the creatures I knew were lying in wake of me.