𝙏𝙄𝙍𝙀𝘿 𝙊𝙁 𝙈𝙀 / 𝗜𝗧★𝗖𝙃𝙄 𝗨𝗖𝗛𝗜𝙃𝘼 [SEMI-HIATUS/ ON HOLD]

xxii.

TW: MENTIONS OF ALCOHOL, ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION, MENTIONS OF NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES, TRAUMA MENTIONS, MENTIONS OF ABUSE (VERBALLY & PHYSICALLY), BULLYING.

IT DOESN'T REALLY take long to kill someone who held you close to them. Rather, someone you loved dearly. As quick as summer happens, so does winter. And like yesterday, tomorrow will come too. So does love.

Love can be in any form. Platonic, soulmates, platonic soulmates, enemies, lovers, family, friends and many more.

I've once read in a book before that you wouldn't know when you're in love. Love comes unexpectedly, and goes too. You wouldn't know that you're falling in love, or when you're running out.

You're too enlightened with the fact that you find the little things in someone, whether be it a quirk or a habit or hobby, endearing. I think maybe that's what I loved about you, Itachi.

I'm writing on a piece of paper, with a quill and ink but I don't think you'd be able to see this. I don't ever plan to let you know how I am feeling or how torturous this has been for me ever since we were young.

But I loved many things about you. Just you, Itachi. Not the prodigy of the Uchiha clan, not the soon to be heir, not as my childhood friend, but as a person. I acknowledge you, for just being you Itachi. I don't know what to say everytime you come around.

Right now, when we've grown already, I don't think anything has changed about my views pertaining you. I think, that maybe you really carved yourself into my heart permanently. This would take years of healing you know?

I see the way...you look at Izumi. Somehow, I've regretted half of my choices already. I'm in a chaos, between choosing why I can't comprehend that you love her. She's my friend, another childhood one at that, but you weren't married to her. You were married to me, the woman you don't love.

I only wish for the two of you when I'm gone. Till then, I love you to the moon and back.

Sincerely,
[Name]

Itachi could only feel the guilt running deep in his veins as he reads the contents of [name]'s diary. Never once did he have a proper conversation about these life experiences with her. Never once they talked about their feelings. For one pushed the other away.

March 27

I hope things will be better. The saying "you know there's many ways in killing the one you love. the slowest way is never loving them enough." Is true. I'm slowly dying as I see how happy you are with her. From afar and frow what I've heard, you guys really look like a couple. There's a voice, muttering in my head how I ruined you guys.

I guess it's the truth. I'm sure, you would've been more happier with her. Then maybe, you'd look at me in a different way.

Not in a way where I seem like a pest who ruined your lives.

It still haunts me, to the very brink of death. I was on a mission awhile ago, I got too distracted and I almost died. My thoughts weren't "am I going to live? am I going to survive?" Rather it was "maybe I really deserve this because I ruined everyone's lives."

It still haunts me, as I drink alcohol to drown away my sorrows right now. I don't know how I'm still sober, but maybe it's the thought that I could've died today and no one would know.

It's... exhausting having to put up a front.

I feel so hollow, and my heart is filled nothing but regrets within the abyss of it. I can't ponder, why or how I'm so stupid to think that people will finally acknowledge me for me.