𝗕𝗨𝗖𝗞𝗬 𝗕𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗘𝗦 𝗢𝗡𝗘 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗧𝗦

Lies²

SONG REQUEST FOR THIS CHAPTER: DO I WANNA KNOW by ARCTIC MONKEYS

1,293 Words

For the entire day, my mind has been racing. I can't stop thinking about this morning, no matter what I do. I've tried to have a shower myself and wash away the naughty thoughts I've been having about Bucky. But, I ended up getting to the point where I had to turn off the shower or I would have dealt with the evergrowing wetness in between my legs. Then, I went out for lunch with my friends, and we talked all throughout. However, I found my mind continuously wandering back to the look of his wet body in front of me. The feeling of his hands against my waist. I even had a beer with lunch, trying to forget all the feelings bubbling up to the service. But, knowing how I get when I am drunk, I stopped myself from having another.

I am completely fucked, here.

After the shower fiasco, Bucky left to go to work. His thighs were tight in his suit pants, and I couldn't stop myself from licking my lips as he left the apartment. The second he closed the door behind him, I sighed, my body physically dropping. I didn't even realise that I was holding my breath when he was in the room until I could feel the air entering my lungs again.

Now, I'm sitting at our kitchen island, a coffee mug in front of me, the liquid slowly cooling as I forget it is in front of me. My mind is wandering again, but this time, I don't fight it. I know I need to think about this.

Should I pretend that nothing happened?

Or, should I act on my feelings?

I think I made it pretty obvious that he made me nervous. I gulped when his skin touched mine, and I couldn't keep my eyes from looking all over his body. My breathing quickened when he spoke to me. My mouth became dry when he looked into my eyes. I felt like I was going to faint when he started stroking the lower part of my back. I think he might have known something was going on.

Or, I could go on as I have been for a year, and pretend that I don't feel anything for my roommate. Just pretend that every time I see Bucky, I don't want to jump his bones. That I don't want to kiss his lips, which look soft but I know could do some beautiful damage to my skin. That I don't want to hold his hand or have him reference me as his girlfriend every time he talks about me to his friends. That I don't want him to smile every time he thinks about me, just like I definitely don't do when I think about him. Because I definitely don't want any of that.

Going through all of this would be painful, but not as painful as the rejection that I am certain to get if I tell him about how I feel. And, I'm sure that I will eventually get over him. We only have another year of college, and we probably won't stay in contact with each other after we leave. He surely doesn't like me enough to keep my number saved.

With all of this in mind, I finally have the first clear thought today. After all of these dangerous and exhausting mind games I have been having with myself, I finally conclude that I am not going to do anything. That I am going to continue my life just as I have been ever since I met Bucky. That I am going to keep hiding my feelings from him, from my friends, and from myself.

My trance is broken at the sound of clicking, my head flying to the side and seeing the front doorknob turning. The door opens, and a tall and dark body walks through the frame. I straighten my body, feeling like I'm under a spotlight when Bucky looks over at me, smiling widely.

"What you doing in here so late, sweetheart?" He asks, walking over to me.

I look over at the wall beside the fridge, the clock displaying the time. 11:35 pm. I must have been so in-depth inside my own mind that I lost hours of my own time. I sat down in the kitchen at 9:30! My half-empty coffee mug is definitely stone-cold now.

"Couldn't sleep." I lie. "Why are you coming back so late? Your shift ended an hour ago."

"Stopped and talked with Steve. You know how long that punk can crap on when you ask him to." He chuckles.

I smile at the thought, knowing exactly what he means. Steve is his best friend, and they are both so alike. Bucky will continuously deny it, but they both can talk for hours about what they are passionate about. The only difference is that Steve is very exclamatory, whereas Bucky is calm and collected. They both are so admiring and can tell a story like you wouldn't believe. It is one of the many reasons why I feel the way I do about Bucky. He is passionate about everything that he does.

Oh, no, wait, I don't feel this way.

Dammit, Y/N.

"How you feeling?" His voice is lower now, his gaze is directly on me.

"What do you mean?" I raise my eyebrows.

"You aren't as flustered as you were this morning."

Oh, god. He definitely noticed how I acted this morning around him. How the hell am I supposed to get out of this? What am I supposed to say to him? I hate lying to him. Not only do I feel horrible every time I lie, but I also can't lie. I'm terrible at lying. It is not one of my strong suits. I'm just going to have to wing it.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I was just really tired." Oh, god. This isn't going well.

I have to physically stop myself from face-planting. This is going horribly.

"Tired?"

"Yeah, I got no sleep last night." I laugh awkwardly.

"What's got you up all night? Something on your mind?" I can see the ghost of a smirk on his lips.

"What! No!" I'm really bad at this. "Just being weird. You know how I am."

"Not like this. What's going on, doll?" He gets closer to me, grabbing my waist again.

I can't stop my eyes from flicking to his lips, wishing I had the confidence to grab him and kiss him. I don't have a bold bone in my body. I really want him to kiss me instead, but without knowing how I feel, he won't. And why would he? Up until now, he never had any inkling that I liked him. I could always tell him how I feel. Fuck it! If I want to kiss him, I have to be the one to do it.

"I like you," I admit.

"What?" He says, but he doesn't seem shocked.

"I like you, Bucky. I really like you, but I could never say anything before." I want to crawl inside myself and hide right now, but I progress.

"Why couldn't you?"

"How could I?" I stand from the bar stool. "How could I just spring that on you? You have so much going on right now. That wouldn't be fair to you."

"Y/N," He grabs my waist again, keeping me close. "You don't think I would have loved to hear that from you?"

"Huh?"

"I thought it was obvious, Y/N. I like you too."

"Really?" I smile.

"Really, doll." He smiles back. "I've liked you for a while. And I would love to take you out sometime."

"Yeah, I would really like that."

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