The Diary of A King's Mistress

24th May, 1668

Another night and day have gone and I have not mustered up the courage to do this. I know I will be free once it happens, but for some reason I cannot find myself to do it. It may be because even once he is dead, I will be the liable Queen. I know for certain I would not be a good queen. I would do anything to protect those I love and cause pain to those who tried to stand in my way. A queen must be unbiased and selfless. I am neither of these things...

Cecil told me how she arranged for me to see Gabriel. In a week's time. That is how long it will take him to dock on the land. I watched the shoreline as if it was my salvation-which in a way, it was.

Late in the night as the King was away on a legal matter, I was informed by Cecil of a shipwreck just off the coast of this Kingdom. I feel as if I had swallowed my heart whole. What was I supposed to do? I was wracking my brain constantly, begging for a sign of his safety. I decided I had to do something-even if it meant more torture or pain.

I waited for what felt like years at the balcony to find the wreck in the distance. It was so close to shore a strong swimmer with large lungs and an athletic physique could have made it there in an hour if not less. My poor love was stranded in there, maybe even trapped beneath the frigid and even rushing water. If he was alive... I would not allow myself such horrid thoughts. I spent too much of my time lately with negative thoughts...no more! I do not want to think fate would be so cruel and unfair. He had been taken from me three times, although once was from my doing....I could not let this happen...It was too painful...It was too much...

Cecil told me how I needed to pray of his safe return. I prayed beneath the stars for him to be alright, for the sea to be kind and even carry him to shore. I begged the creator to give him a second chance. I explained how good of a man he was and how much he deserved. I hoped desperately he was listening....