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I honestly don't know why I didn't sell my shoes sooner. I guess you really have to hit the bottom in order to realize what's in front of you. I really didn't know I had that many pairs. But it's been a couple days since I sold the shoes and it's just like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I had Sienna take me to Sam's to pick up some things. I spent at least two thousand on the house for food and household items. Then I went to Walmart and spent a band on my baby. Got her a bunch of clothes and some new toys. I even picked up a few thangs for Grandpa. Sienna fussed at me cause I wasn't picking up anything for myself. As long as my daughter and Grandpa was straight, that's all that mattered to me. However, Si snuck me some stuff in the buggy anyway.
I paid the bills up for five months and placed the rest into my savings account. Thanksgiving is about three weeks and I think I want to feed the less fortunate. I need to call around so I can get the perfect location.
It was a nice Sunday afternoon and I was in the kitchen preparing a big pot of homemade chicken noodle soup. The temperature was going to drop severely tonight and I knew this was going to keep us warm. Sienna is supposed to be spending the night and I can't do nothing, but shake my head at her. She's becoming more attached than ever and it's hard. Baby is beautiful but I don't think I'm the one for her. Well I wouldn't say that but I want to be hundred percent myself before I let our souls intertwine. I got a lot I need to work on mentally and as a man? I want to be able to provide for her.
I put the seasoned chicken in the water and made sure I seasoned the water a little bit more before putting the top on it. Gotta to let that come to boil. I cleaned up my area and washed my hands before going into the living room. Journi was standing up in her new play pin rubbing her eyes. She must've just woke up. Her curly hair was all over the place and she was sucking on that damn binky. I walked over and stretched my arms out causing her to put hers up. I reached down picking her up. I slid her bonnet back on and she laid her head down on my shoulder. Think I'm going to give her a bath now before the house get too cold.
We walked towards the back going into my room. I flipped the light switch and sat Journi in the middle of the bed. I went into whats now her closet. I grabbed a pajama set, socks, and a diaper. I tossed everything on the bed and picked her up going to the bathroom. I sat done on the toilet with her in my lap. I plugged the tub and ran lukewarm water. I pulled her shirt over her head and removed her bottoms. I threw the diaper in the trash. I reached over and turned the water off not wanting to run too much. I grabbed her toys from under the cabinet and sat her in the water.
I sat back against the toilet and watched her play with her toys. I thought about her mama, Morianna and shook my head. How you just give yo baby up? If you didn't want her why put yourself through 8 months of pain and all them hours of labor? Shit is beyond me. I think my frustration and anger stems from the fact that I went through the same thing. Paw told me that my parents literally left me in a basket and disappeared, but that's a story for another day. I got my baby so it don't even matter. I just hope she don't came back around because Journi is good and will forever be good. I know once she get older the questions are going to come up and hopefully I will have the answers.
