Unconditional Feelings (Heesun)

16

Heeseung didn't want to leave; he wanted to stay but the sight of the two angered him. Ever since middle school, Heeseung had always envied the younger. Sunoo managed to gleam with brightness through his hardships, and Heeseung absolutely loathed the fact that he was such a bright, mellow boy. He was jealous of the younger, and his resentment toward the younger was the cause of his behavior.

________

After detention was over, Sunoo hugged Ni-ki one last time, catching the taller one off guard, and scurried off to find the older one who was trudging lazily on the sidewalk.

Sunoo needed answers. He couldn't just simply forget about that night, as it was something quite special to him. He had never felt the need to be concerned for the older, but those reminiscing memories keep haunting him, pushing him out of his comfort zone. He wanted more for the older–even if it meant getting a few bruises in exchange for answers.

"Hyung! Wait!" Sunoo's knees were timid while pacing behind, and the small, cold droplets of sweat were dripping from his forehead. "H...hyun..g..." Sunoo clutched his chest and panted heavily, in an attempt to breathe steadily. "I–can we please...can I talk to you for a second...?" Sunoo whispered in a hush-toned voice. Heeseung felt his heart shatter upon the sight. 'Why is he here right now?' Heeseung fists tightened. He really didn't want to talk to the younger.

"What?" Heeseung deadpanned.

"L..let's go over there and talk." Sunoo pointed at a bench at the kid's playground. Sunoo glanced back at the older, and without thinking twice, he gently grasped Heeseung's wrist, pulling him along.

Heeseung's heart paced, and the warm, comforting embrace that he endearingly missed felt so soft against his bruised skin. He followed behind the younger, letting him lead the way without hesitation.

Sunoo plopped himself on the bench, pulling Heeseung beside him. The humid breeze caressed Sunoo's peach-colored skin, shading it light pink. Both males silently observed the children playing, not uttering a single word.

"Hyung...c..can we talk about that night?" Sunoo broke the somewhat comfortable silence, peeking at the older. "I know you said to forget about it, but—bu–how can I? I mean, y-you hugged me, cried, and—" Sunoo felt his wrist itch in pain. Heeseung tightened his loose grip on Sunoo's wrist, causing him to flinch.

"I told you, don't bring that up." Heeseung glared at him, eyes filled with nothing emptiness; no emotions whatsoever. "It was just an allusion, it never happened." Heeseung glanced away, loosening his grip once he noticed the discomfort the younger was displaying.

Sunoo was bewildered. "Hyung," Sunoo spoke formally, yet his voice seemed sterner, with no hint of hesitation or timidity present. "We should talk properly. I can't forget about it. Why would you do that? Why would you leave me hanging like this?" Sunoo confidently blurted his curiosities, not minding the glares anymore.

Heeseung heaved a heavy sigh, his face softened and he actually seemed dejected.

"I don't think you'll ever understand...but I hate how you smile through everything. I hate how you never give up...and...I hate how you still care for me..."

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Sunoo glanced at the clock on the wall beside his bed and grimaced. He'd been slumping in bed all day long, doing almost nothing. He felt dejected, and depressed for some reason, a reason he couldn't quite point out. Though he did nothing all day long, he felt exhausted. He adjusted his position and turned sideways, preparing to make up imaginary scenarios, but the sound of the bell had stopped him from doing so. He lightly flinched at the ringing and sat up from his slumbering position.

He paced down the staircase and trudged to the front door to peek through the door hole in hopes to find a familiar face.

"Sunoo-yah! It's me, mom!" Sunoo's mom's voice rang in Sunoo's ear, and through the peephole, he saw his mom slamming the car door, heading toward the door. She had a jacked wrapped around her arm and she was locking the car with her other hand. She glanced at the door and adjusted the jacket in her hands, and knocked at the door again.

Without hesitation, Sunoo opened the door, welcoming his sleep-deprived mom inside. "Mom!" Sunoo squealed, engulfing his mother in a tight hug. "I've missed you so much!"

"I'm sorry Sunoo...I've been away for so long. I wanted to surprise you, but you were already home. I called out to see if you were home, and you were, so...I guess the surprise wasn't a surprise anymore." She snickered along with Sunoo, who was guiding her to the bedroom. "I got something for you!" She spoke up once she placed the jacket on her dressing table. She shuffled through her purse, and Sunoo waited in anticipation. His eyes gleamed with curiosity as he watched his mom digging inside her purple purse.

"Tada!" She pulled out a box of plushies for the younger. Sunoo gasped in delight as he paced toward his mom, his mom holding out the two plushies for the younger. He gladly accepted the two plushies: A fox, and a deer.

"They're so cute! How'd you know my favorite ones?" Sunoo snuggled the plushies and asked with endearment.

"Well, you always talked about these two specific ones since you were younger. I thought it'd be best to get them now, I saw them while I was passing by a food store, and I immediately thought about you." His mom answered, plopping herself on the white bedsheets. Sunoo ran to his room and placed the two plushies in front of his messy pillows.

"I'll fix you when I get back." He pinched the noses and proceeded to walk downstairs to the kitchen to bring water and food for his starving mother.

"Here you go!" He handed his mom the food tray and situated himself beside her, watching her with pure joy. They talked for a while and Sunoo felt at home again, he wanted to feel this way every day, but he knew he couldn't. It was yet too much to ask for, especially in his situation. He taught himself to be grateful for having as much as he had because he knew there were others who had absolutely nothing.