𝑺𝑳𝑼𝑴𝑩𝑬𝑹 - 𝐤𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐫 { ✓ }

63

lee's POV
(tw : descriptions of panic attack)

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18 new messages from hoe

16 new messages from yaz

7 new messages from mom

11 new messages from momma

35 new messages from kit

24 missed calls from kit

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"it's okay, lee." miss manson tells me, rubbing her hand up and down my spine.

she's trying to calm me down. and yes, it's working. but not enough. my mind won't stop replying the horrible, horrible memories that nolan has carved into my brain.

god, i hate him.

i hate him so much.

my phone is in my pocket and it keeps buzzing and ringing. i'm sure all of my friends who watched the interview are very worried about me.

others probably aren't, though. because i really hope i did well when i covered up how freaked out i was.

"breathe, eileen." miss manson demands.

i didn't know that i was hyperventilating until she said that. but now i realize how heavy and uneven my breathing is.

i take a deep breath of air in. but it's too much. too much air. too much breathing. i feel like im drowning.

i breathe all of that air out. and suddenly there's not enough air. not enough breathing. i feel like im suffocating.

"we're almost there." miss manson says, soothingly. her hand is still coursing up and down my back.

but where are we going? where are we right now?

everything around me is blurry and i don't really care enough to figure out what's happening.

i just hope i'm not being recorded.

i hope this doesn't end up on twitter.

though, i wouldn't be surprised if it did. i wouldn't be surprised if someone was watching from afar and felt their only choice is to post my face online for the entire world to see.

because that's reasonable, right?

"are you okay?" miss manson asks. i stare at her. does it look like i'm okay? "do you need to me call someone? do you want to talk to anybody?"

only one person comes to mind when she says that.

"yes." i say. my voice is shaky and my throat hurts from breathing so much. "can you, uh- uhm, can you call kit?"

"of course." miss manson tells me. "can i use your phone?"

i nod at her and lean forward, letting her pull it out of my back pocket. she types in my password and clicks on kit's contact name.

he answers before the phone can even ring.

the moment i see the look on his face, i start to cry.

i don't know why i'm crying, though. i must look so pathetic right now. why is he even dating me? i'm so so so pathetic.

i try and stabilize my breathing.

but when i exhale, my breath comes out in sobs.

"lee." kit says, his voice is a bit glitchy from the distance. which makes me cry harder for some reason.

why is he so far away?

i need him right now.

i want to hug him.

i want him to hold me.

but he can't.

"lee." kit says again. "lee, i'm right here."

"no. you're- you're not right here." i say through my staggered cries. "you're all the way over there- over an entire ocean!"

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