Surf Trip//Jiara

Chapter 34

~JJ's pov~

I had three siblings.

I had a whole family all this time and I had no idea.

All this time I thought my mom died but she just decided to leave when I was a few months old so she can countinue her family with Ward.

I don't even know what I did to her to make her leave.

I went straight to the beach and took out a joint. That was exactly what I needed right now. I brought the joint to my lips but it was pointless, all I could think of was the whole stupid family thing.

"Hey" I heard a voice that snapped me out of my thoughts.

I didn't even need to look to see who it was. It was my new sister.

"If Kie sent you after me" I started but she intrerupted me.

"No one sent me, I just thought we should talk" she said, taking a seat next to me on the sand.

That was the last thing I wanted right now. A talk that will probably make me understand why mom picked her over me.

"There's nothing to talk about, it's not like we'll start celebrating Thanksgiving now" I said trying to make a joke but not even I laughed.

I really didn't want to talk. That's why I stayed in silence for maybe more than ten minutes and I expected Sarah to leave but she stood there in silence with me.

I really wanted to leave but I couldn't. I knew how important this whole family thing is for her so I decided to try and say something. I always wanted to know how mom looked like and how she was like so maybe that was a good start.

"How was she like?" I asked away quiter than I wanted but she immediately knew who I was talking about.

"She had blonde hair and blue eyes, we were surprised neither of us took her eyes colour but apparently you did" she started.

I only had one photo with my mother and it was kind of blurry. I didn't remember how she looks like or how she was like. All I remember is dad telling me that I made her leave.

How the hell did I made her leave at only five months old?

"She loved the beach and making photographs, one time she took us all with her on the beach and we spend a whole day there just making sandcastles and swimming" she countinued.

I didn't want to be jealous but I was. A lot. Mom did all this things with her others kids but she didn't even bother to stay more than five months with me.

"She also liked cooking, especially cakes, she used to make us the biggest cakes for our birthdays" said Sarah.

I didn't even celebrated my birthday until I met John B. He was the first one that ever made me a cake, even if it was horrible, and buy me a gift.

After we met Pope and Kie I started celebrating my birthday with them too. John B was the one who came up with everything we could do, Kie brought food from her family's restaurant and Pope was making sure John B didn't plan something too dangerous.

"How long did she stay with you?" I asked.

"Until I was nine, then came Rose" she said.

She stayed with her nine whole years while she couldn't wait to leave me. What the hell I did so wrong for her to actually leave when I was not even a fucking year old.

But this wasn't Sarah's fault. But I couldn't blame her even if I wanted to.

"She sounds like a nice person" I said even if I didn't belive waht I said at all.

She just nodded and keep looking at the ocean. We stayed in silence again for a while but I didn't minded.

"Why did she leave?" I asked.

"She just disappeared one day, Rafe thought she ran away, I thought she died, no one told us what actually happened" she said.

"Do you miss her?" I asked.

"Sometimes" she said, not taking her eyes from the ocean. "Do you?"

"Sometimes" I said.

Did I really missed her? I don't even remember her. I don't even know if I hate her or not for leaving.

She was one of the reasons dad hated me. He kept saying that it's my fault she left and I still don't know what I did to mske this happening.

"I'm kind of glad I have a brother who's not a murderer now" Sarah said breaking the silence.

"And I got a sister who can offer me kook privileges" I said trying to force a smile.

"Look, I know it's strange, it's strange for me too but we don't have to talk about it yet if you don't want it" she said.

"Nah, it's fine, I got to know more about mom and I got two sisters" I said.

And a brother that tried to kill us.

The worst part is that I didn't even mean what I said. It's not fine. Nothing is fine. Mom left me and they all got all this years with her while she abandoned me and I had no idea what I did wrong.

"We should go back, I left John B and Kiara with Pope so he'll probably loose his mind soon" she laughed.

She got up waiting for me to follow her but when she noticed I wasn't coming she added "Are you coming?"

"I'll stay here a little to clean my mind" I said.

"Okay then, come in time for breakfast or you might not get any pancakes" she said before leaving.

I had no idea whatever I was feeling right now. I was mad. I was angry. I was terrified. I couldn't stop the panic building up inside of me.

Usually when this things are happening I have two ways of fixing this up. Drinking and hooking up with someone.

And that's exactly what I did.

I went right to the closest bar in the cut. As soon as I entered the door I noticed how many people were here.

I made my way between them, towards the bar. I could barely remember what or how much I drank.

But now I finally didn't give a shit about the whole family thing.