I fell in love with Ares

panic attack

TW: May be scenes that'll trigger people

"If I'm going to die, I'd like to actually live first. And then I'll die" I muttered the famous quote too myself after the film finished

Tears were leaking out of my eyes like crazy and I couldn't help but sob as Cole said his last line, looking over to my right I watched as Liam held onto Isa's hand as she cried and when I looked to my left I watched Ares, his face was void of any emotion yet his eyes told a different story, his eyes swirled through with a variation of emotions causing a small smile to linger on my face

I drank another sip of my strawberry vera and placed it at Ares's lips, he nodded as I tilted the bottle back slowly, I watched as his Adams apple bobbed and I couldn't help but want to feel it

I put the lid back onto the bottle and scooched closer to Ares

He looked over at me and placed his hand on my head gently 

That was the first time he's ever made a move to touch me properly, I slowly leaned my head against his chest as the story lines of 'Me before you' started 

"Are you excited" I clapped my hands together childishly, as always, my response was silence 

"I'm really excited, it never fails to make me cry, I'm so not ready for this yet I kind of am, and I need to pee right now, but at the same time I'm thirsty, yet I know that if I pause to drink, I'll need to pee even more" The hoarseness of my voice made me scared for myself 

I grabbed my vera and took another sip

"I'm going toilet" I stood up slowly making sure to step over the bag of snacks 

"We will pause it for you" Jace muttered 

"Are you okay?" Jason asked

I gave him a small nod as I walked up the steps, me breathing, kind of hurt, it was too the point that I could even hear my own breathing 

I cleared my throat numerous times as I sped up quickly

Why does this always have to happen to me 

I walked into my bathroom and locked the door behind me, I placed both of my cold hands-on top of each other, my hands shook ever so slightly causing me to panic

Breathe Natalie its fine 

I repeated the same phrase over and over again, I quickly opened my cabinet to reveal my stacks of pills, some for my diabetes and some for my other diagnosed conditions 

I felt so out of breath for what

I grabbed my low iron deficiency pills and attempted to open the bottle; my hands wobbled with every turn I took causing tears to invade my eyesight

My vision blurred as the bottle rolled out of my hands, my hands soon found its way to my head, and that's when I started to pull

I grabbed my hair gently and began to sway

Breathe, its fine 

I sat on the floor quickly placing my cold hands underneath my bum hoping for some warmth but when that didn't work, I tumbled towards my door 

"Jason" I squeaked out 

"Jason" I cleared my throat loudly and attempted to shout for my brother 

"Natalie" Jace's cold voice soon turned into a soothing mess as he wiped my tears 

"I'll be back, stay here"

Where was I going to go, I wanted to ask, but physically I couldn't bring myself to do so