BLEAK

Letting Go

Chapter Nineteen

It was an ice cream truck that had been the salvation of the royal family. As I watched them slip into the back of the decoy, I couldn't help but look to where Gunner stood. He was busy discussing matters with his brother, the look in his eyes focused and determined.

I would make certain to see them off and then I'd find my own way. Granted that I felt a complete fool for allowing my emotions to take control of me, part of me was glad that I would no longer have to look nor feel the Alpha near me. There was guilt within me, I should have known better than to open my mouth and speak. I should have told the Beta as calmly as possible that I'd reassure his brother's safety. Maybe then I'd still have my position as a soldier in the army.

Although the Alpha had given me a leave, it still did not mean I could move on with my life. The soldier in me wouldn't allow as much. There was still a war over our Nation's head. Our people were sitting on edge, waiting for our Alpha to make contact with the force.

I had no doubt in my mind that he would jump to the opportunity as soon as he could. He had mentioned that he was desperate to give a message out to his people. The double doors to the back of the truck shut and I was left to watch them leave.

I stood there a while longer, contemplating what I should do now that I was left on my own. The first thought that came to mind was my grandfather. And so off I went as I slipped back into the house and readied myself. For the first time in two years, I stripped from my uniform and into some casual clothes. The weather outside was sunny with clear skies. Although I felt naked and exposed without my uniform, I slipped into some running shoes and put some jeans and a tank top on.

Walking out of my house after I made certain that everything was placed in order like it once had, I made my way over to the Senior Home. When I arrived the woman at the front buzzed me in and I was given a few anti-bacterial wipes and gel. Once I washed my hands and removed my shoes I clipped on a tag and made my way over to his room.

He was located in the heart of the large center. The building had been made to look like a sphere from high altitude. It was a large facility with plenty of view and fresh air. A patio led them to a small pond where most of them spend their time playing chess or feeding the many ducks that occupied the pond. It was also my grandfather's favorite place to be.

"Hello, again." A woman said. I stopped to look at her and recognized her from a day ago. She had been the one to give me a tour of the place before she took me to see my grandfather. Her name was Silvia. She smiled kindly at me, her bright blonde hair tied into a bun. She was small and thin, almost a reflection of who I use to be as I shook her hand and greeted her with a thigh smile.

"Mindy was it?" She said again.

"Yes, I'm here to see Timothy River?"

"This way, he's been spending an awful lot of time near the pond." She said with a bright smile. She led me into a large hall where it split into five different other passageways. Taking the second hall she stopped in front of the door towards the end that had a bright red EXIT sign. She opened the door and smiled at me as she gestured towards the glossy brown bench where he sat.

"Thank you." I muttered, as I walked past her and into the open fresh air. Making my way over to the the bench I greeted my grandfather with a tight embrace and a kiss to his forehead.

"How have you been?" I asked, with a sigh. Taking a seat next to him I tried to relax but I found it difficult to do so.

"Why aren't you in uniform?" I knew it wouldn't escape him. My grandfather, although along in age, still had his instincts well in tacted.

And so I proceeded to tell him everything, all I had said, and what the Alpha had told me. When I was finished I simply sat there feeling my shoulders slump a little.

"You do understand that it was wrong of you to say what you said." He stated. I realized now that he dressed in a pair of brown slacks and comfortable dressing shoes. The dark green sweater he wore somehow complimented his stormy blue eyes. He reached into the small brown paper bag on his lap and took out a few bread crumbs to toss into the water.

"I understand." I replied.

"And do you also understand, that once this whole war is over you must apologize to your Alpha." He pressed.

If he only knew I'd be unable to apologize to him. He was miles away from here and probably had already handed the title of Alpha to our Beta. For all I knew he was lying on his death bed already. The thought put me on edge as I pictured him struggling to fight the coma consuming his body. I could see his family surround him and his mother weep for her son. He was a lot of things, but in his parent's eyes, he would forever be their son.

"I can't." I honestly replied.

"Why?"

"He is planning to hand the title over to his brother. He might be in a state of coma as we speak." I bitterly replied.

"Do you want to know what I think?" He said.

He proceeded to feed the ducks as they drew nearer to eat. I focused on the ripples their bodies made on the water as they swayed towards the edge of the pond.

"I think that you both have suffered enough. I think it is time you start mending what has been broken. If it's not together then on your own. Stop hating him for what he did. Everyone makes mistakes and his was thinking that his nation would hate him for not securing the bloodline. By now I am certain he has regretted his decision. We lycans have a great ego, one that leads us to think like dictators at times and not humans. An Alpha's emotions and strength burn far greater than our own. He was born to lead and be much more stronger and valiant than we. And for that man to ask you to live on and be happy must have taken so much emotional strength. He never asked you to forgive him, that in itself is more than you need to grant him what he wants." He explained.

"What he wanted was for me to be happy and fall in love with another."

"Is that what you want?"

"I don't know what I want. I haven't been able to think right since I was left to pick up the pieces of my life. I've only been suppressing all of my emotions. I am as guilty as he is. He rejected me and I sought comfort in his brother's arms. I should have never stayed with Jeremiah. It didn't bring me peace nor happiness, I used him to push away the pain that was eating away at me."

"Do you think Gunner resents you for it?"

"No, the Alpha has never shown the least interest in me. He's never acted possessive, jealous, nor angry. Expect for that time in the hidden walls, his protective side showed but I understood why. He couldn't' help it."

"Do you know why we are born that way?" He asked.

"Because it's in our nature...it's who we are. I was made for him...and he was made for me, it doesn't matter how it plays out." I whispered as a tear slipped from my eye.

"Those emotions you feel, that connection. It's real, there is no lie in the feelings that run through you when your eyes meet. Sooner or later the bind always wins. No one will ever offer you the comfort and peace you will feel when in his arms. He will find himself restless and short tempered, more animal than human at times without his mate. The longer you last apart the stronger the bond will grow. There isn't anything that will change that." He explained.

"How do I get past the pain...how do I take a leap of faith?" I whispered.

"You let go, just like he said."

"If I do, that will make me his second choice."

"You were his first choice my love. It was his wife who was labeled a plan b."

I felt a smile tug at my lips at his kind words and felt a part of me at ease. My grandfather was right. I needed to stop placing a label over myself. I would no longer be, Mindy Rivers, the reject. That title held no power over me anymore. Rather I would be valiant and strong in my pursuit of a new life. The past no longer had a hold on me. I was finally letting go.