(A/N this is a oneshot following on from my book picture of a life time, which I suggest you read before reading this. Wow, way to get that self promo in... Embarrassing, I know. Enjoy!)
Troye's POV
It had been 10 years since Connor died. To this day, I still found myself awake at 6:00am, craving the warmth of his nimble fingers, intertwined with mine, as we laid comfortable in bed. To this day, I still found my way to his grave, lining it with only the prettiest flowers. Tyler would come most days, driving us home as my emotional stress took over.
To this day, I still wasn't coping.
Coping. The word scared me. How could anyone cope? It was an over used phrase that humans would say to describe their feelings. 'I'm coping' They would smile, pushing the empty pit, that was their heart, just a bit further down.
I did this a lot, playing off my emotions when others asked. My mum had started to tell me to move on, look for someone else. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. No one could fit his mould.
Tyler understood, his soothing arms often draped around me on the worst days. He had moved in you see, I couldn't handle being alone.
It was a quiet drive today. The sun shining beautifully on the February morning. It was the 10th anniversary of the worst day of my life, and the scenery couldn't have been more different. As much as my gloomy, solemn mood consumed me, I knew Connor would like this day. He always did like the sun.
The arrival at the cemetery dawned on me, as Tyler poked my shoulder, chuckling softly as I awoke from my daze. I peeled my eyes from the window frame, and back to the tulips, wrapped in a violet sheet of paper. They hung on my knee like a wet mess, but their vibrant colours made his spot look the best, just as he always was.
"Hey Baby." I made a small curl of the lips, as I read his name, Connor Joel Mellet-Franta, and I took a seat on the grass next to his head stone.
"I'm gonna take a walk buddy, I'll leave you two alone for a bit." Tyler sensed my need for some alone time, quickly lining the tulips along Connor's grave, as I laid down. He gave me a comforting smile, before following one of the paths, out into a country walk lane near by. "I'll be back soon Tim Tam." He said.
I looked at the sky, breathing in the fresh air swirling around me. I could see the clouds part, hazing my vision as I looked into the sun. With squinting I could just make out the shapes of the fluffy cotton in the sky. I was determined that if I looked hard enough, he would appear, sending me a reassuring smile, like he always used to do when I felt down.
I needed it now, more than ever.
"Life goes so slowly without you baby." I spoke, my trembling fingers tracing his name. "I hate the fact that I can't see you anymore. I look at the scrapbook every night, I feel every picture with my fingers, trying to make myself believe, believe that I'm in that memory again, touching your soft jumpers, cupping your little chin. It's weird, I know, but it's the closest I'll ever get."
I wiped the tears that had fallen, before carrying on.
"Tyler is fully moved in now, he still takes me here everyday, so I can be with you. He'll be back soon I suppose." I played with the stems of the tulips, my mind racing back to years ago, before the diagnosis. A happy Connor, taking pictures of the flowers in the garden, holding that ever so important camera.
We had buried it with him. A possession way too dear to his heart to leave him. My friends told me to keep it, use it even. But I knew, that wherever he went, he needed it with him, to take pictures of whatever new memories he would make, memories that he could show me, when we met again.
