Loathing: Lloyd Hansen

33.

• Rowan Hansen. 9:22 am. October fourth. Croatia •

I woke up to the bed empty. Today it hurt because I knew Lloyd was back and he wasn't in bed.

I got up and went down to the living area, seeing Delilah and Lloyd eating pancakes in the dining room.

I smiled and sat down next to them.

"Hi mommy." Delilah said.

"Good morning babe." I said. I kissed Lloyd's cheek.

"Hi mommy." Lloyd said. I rolled my eyes.

I got up to go grab some coffee. I looked out the window at the forest behind the mansion. We had built a little pool there.

I came back over and sat down, sipping on my coffee.

Delilah was laughing as her dad tried to rest a spoon on his nose. He chuckled as it fell.

I sat curled up in my chair as I watched them. They were literal twins. Sometimes I wondered if the child I pushed out was even any percent me.

Lila finished her pancakes and got down, going to put the plate in the big kitchen.

"Hi Eddie!" She yelled.

"Hi sweetie!" He said back. I chuckled. Lloyd rested his hand on my thigh.

"Sorry I didn't wake you up. I just wanted you to sleep." He said.

"Thank you." I said. I was extremely tired still but it was nothing new.

• • •

I sat with Lloyd and Delilah while we watched a movie. She loved Disney. Her dad secretly liked it too. A few months ago I caught him crying to inside out.

Lloyd stroked my hair as I was curled up against him. I had missed him so much.

Lila was on his lap, sipping on a juice box while watching. Tonight was tangled, her favorite. She had many, many stuffies of pascal and Maximus.

I moved her hair out of her face as she watched her movie. She was so cute. She had freckles and rosy cheeks, a cute button nose.

I watched Lloyd. He looked tired too. I smiled softly as he looked at me.

"Stop staring." He whispered. I giggled and laid back down.

• Lloyd Hansen •

"What are we gonna do with her daddy?" Lila asked.

"Let her sleep." I whispered.

Rowan had fallen asleep on the couch. She needed it.

"We will go outside." I said. I picked Delilah up and kissed Rowan's head. I walked outside with my daughter.

I helped her down and she dragged me to the swing set. She was so cute. All I saw was rowan in her. Rowan's eyes, her hair, her smile. She was literally Rowan's twin.

She got on the swings. "Push me. Please." She said.

"Good manners." I said to her as I pushed her.