Theory of love

Chapter 27

Sometimes the truth can make miserable people. I forced it to continue pretending to be a fool that I did not know anything, I will pretend until the day it is necessary.

Although I also know that many of my attempts have damaged the other person a lot. I saw her cry once, but I could only force me to make the big sight, and I continued to sat by his side, talking about my new girlfriend, and then seeing how I just smiled at me, and I knew it was uncomfortable and miserable.

Since the meetings began for the play, I have decided to cut the act with Prao and return to have a relationship of friendship. Then I put my things on the back of my motorcycle, ready to go to Find me with an upper of the art department to escape my problems.

His name is P'ton, and was in the last year in another university, and this year began his internship.4 So he rented a large house outside with three or four more friends, a kind of study. A place where I can safely be sure no will not be any problem. But that's not what I really need. Although I also know that they can not be of any help for my problems. But while they make me stop thinking about my problems, it's enough. "You really came". He greeted me a man of thin and barbeda face. As always pass with Charlie and with my backpack on your back. "I'm bored, we drink together."

"Maldito Kai, this is my study, not a place to get drunk."

"Do you have any girl to play?"

"Are you listening to me?"

"I'm going to enter. By the way, where does I sleep?"

"Under my bed"

"Ok, OK, OK" I've been here for several days, and I have treated the elders as drinks partners, but I have not told you a lot about my problems. I have been smoking and drinking every day, the bottles abroad have made the study look like a recycling center. When I do not have anything better to do, I feel and I look at them editing the video, and I drink to drink all night.
Today is my fifth day here, and it's all the same thing ever. "My girls from school will come later," said one of the students of the last year, and everyone nodded with the head. But minutes later, the sound of the vehicle's engine ran into the house and then the visiting of the visitors. P'ton got up to open the door greeted them and invited them to enter.

"Sawasdee KA, would like to drink a little tonight." Although P'ton always told that his house is not a place of drunk, but for a while, things changed completely. Everyone was still drinking and talking, and the music was on, and later became more interesting. I felt a little drunk, and for when I realized, a woman was already sitting on my legs.

My hands swimmed around her body, and we flirt for a long time until I was finally ready to kiss her, and we knew in silence, like the countless women I kissed, but why?

Why I see Third face in front of my eyes ....  Our lips were still touching, I tried to kiss her, and it seemed that she was also trying to cooperate with me, but in the end we stopped. I remembered the kiss I shared with Third, I remembered her weeping face, and I remembered .... Those days we were together ...

"Damn!" The unexplained feeling that had stuck in the heart made me scream in front of the woman, and everyone turned and looked at me.

Why! Why can not I forget about him? I do not know where to go, I can only sit with my head, I feel that my eyes are hot and wet, impossible, I can not cry, I'm just drunk ....
A world without Third is fucked up, is the most fucked in this world ...

"Kai, come with me." P'ton called me, we walked together towards the backyard, gave me a cigarette, and then we were silent and smoke it. I observed in silence how white smoke dissipated slowly in the air, I do not know how long it was, until the cigarette in my hand has burned almost halfway. "Do not hide in my house because you have problems with your studies, right?"

"..." I did not answer. "People who come to my house does not come for summer vacation, but to escape love."

"Your house is not on the beach, why would we do that?"

"But it seems otherwise than you just said."

"You can see through me." Although his artistic temperament does not seem to help me with sensitive things of love, maybe itself can be a good counselor. "Kai, do not make it look like I do not know you."

"As you said, it was an emotional problem and it was with a good friend."

"Your good friend is infess you." Shit, the fuck is smartless. You can always see through my in the first moment, so, why not say the first day I read? "But my good friend ... is a man ..."

"Well, I do not think you're a good friend of any woman, usually just try to lie with them."

Everyone knows that I have a very clear line between friendship and love, if a woman is my friend, then we will always be friends, the situation with Third is the same, really does not like to start. P'ton took a shake of smoke, white smoke began to snuggle again, I looked silently, and then I decided to keep asking him. "Should I accept that my friend is gay?"

"Why not? Are you friends with yours".

"But now my friend thinks about me more than friends."

"What do you feel for him? Do you hate it? Do you want to flee from it? Or do you think ..."

"I do not know, I hate is not the right word, but there really is sometimes that I want to flee from him, as if what we think is completely different, sometimes I really want to give up, and he wants to be again my friend, but you know ..... The longer it takes, harder is".

"I hid here just to forget it, but in the end I think of him as soon as I think of his face, I think of that kiss, although I said that we can only be friends, but what I feel is really contradictory." My answer is not blank or black, it's gray, I just can not find the answer.

"Then I ask you ..." He pulled his sin to the ground, she trapped them and kicked her away, and then asked me.

"When you want to see a movie like you choose it? In the story? The director? Star rating? Criticism? Or by your own preferences?" Makes very long questions. As a filmmaker, we need to see a variety of movie types, but sometimes we also choose a movie according to our mood and
Preferences by self-satisfaction, not always from the perspective of research. "If I am, I always look at the guy I like, according to my likes," I said. "Well, what kind of genre you like?"

"Horror and science fiction". "What kind of genus you dislike?"

"Animated movies, if I can choose, you would never see them."

"I used to think like you, but as we mature, we will have different points of view, perspectives and feelings."

"Choosing a movie is like choosing a lover, and only few people will choose what they do not like. But when we define what we like and what we do not like, we have established a limit. This limit prevents us from opening our hearts to accept other things, although these things can also be very good and beautiful ....." makes sense, fuck. He continued talking, without even making visual contact with me at once. I had to follow his emotions, but his words are constantly recorded in my heart. "Now I look animated movies every day, nobody asked me, it's my heart that I made the decision."

"You can say that, but there is still a big difference between the movies and the real life, and I do not think you have the way to accept it."

"Do not you have to accept it, or decide to escape from reality because society does not accept it?"
I have been speechless. "The love that a person can find in his life is not written as a script, it can not be measured by social standards, and even if you love a woman, you will find the same problem."

"Think about it, do you want it to talk about you because you got used with different women, or want me to talk about you because you love a man of heart? So you will still be judged by both scenarios, the result is different!".  "P'ton, I ..."

"I'm not trying to make you men, I'm trying to take your own decisions, do not think about what others will think of you, you should mature."

"Do not continue to be a bastard." The time has gone for a long time, my heart continues to have a feeling, no matter how the world changes, our brotherhood and friendship is still the same as before, if it is another person you may not dare to tell me or to scold my but, but P'ton ... said, "Bastard", and her word has ever stared at me in chest.  Or ...? Is it time to mature?