the story of us |h.s.|

27 - coney island

"break my soul in two looking for you
but you're right here
if i can't relate to you anymore
then who am i related to?
and if this is the long haul
how'd we get here so soon?
did i close my fist around something delicate?
did i shatter you?"

Harry.

Halloween went fine.

Nadine had Finn, Daphne, and Blaire over once we were done trick-or-treating. Together we watched Hocus Pocus and The Nightmare Before Christmas. A nice, civil viewing.

After that, the girls were pretty tired so we put them down in Andie's room. Once they were asleep, the five of us watched Halloween. A classic, really. It's always been one of my favourites and from the way Nadine couldn't take her eyes off the screen, I'm guessing I can say the same for her.

Ever since, our only communication has been about the kids. Strictly business.

I wish I could say it wasn't killing me, pretending to be fine. Pretending like my feelings for her are less than they actually are. Pretending to act completely normal when the only thing on my mind, every second of every day, is her.

I hadn't noticed the physical toll it was taking on me until last night. Lennon and I had just had dinner. I was cleaning up the kitchen, and after that I was planning on giving her a bath and then taking a shower myself. By the time I got out and put myself together, it'd be time for a meeting with Ben and the publishers. I'd been putting it off for awhile, so there really was no postponing it any longer.

Nothing was going right. There was something on the counter I couldn't scrub off, the dishes kept spraying the water back at me, the dishwasher wouldn't close. A lot of small stuff like that. And it continued throughout Lennon's bath.

She didn't want to take a bath and was taking it out on me. None of the toys she had were the toys she wanted this time around. The water was too cold. The soap accidentally got in her eyes. Small stuff like that.

At the end, both of us were thoroughly distressed. And because it was such an ordeal with her, I didn't have time to shower before the meeting which meant it would have to be after, which also meant it cut into our Disney Princess Pillow Party.

I got Lennon ready for bed and asked if she wanted to sit in the meeting with me, grab one of her dolls or something. She declined and said she'd just colour in her room. I hated myself for not being able to do that with her.

My shoulders felt like they were carrying the weight of the world. The weight of a life chalked full of responsibilities. But I didn't want to be carrying this all around. If I could drop it, put it down, or rid myself of it completely I would.

But I can't. And I had the meeting to worry about.

The meeting I've been dreading ever since I started writing this book in the first place. Ever since I allowed Nadine back into my life.

I closed myself in my office, leaving the door open a crack so if Lennon needed me, I'd be accessible to her. I pulled the video call up on my screen, and joined it–two minutes late.

"Harry, nice of you to finally join us." Ben chastised from his home office. I could tell he was working from home because of the picture behind him. Him and Leo on the day they got engaged. You can barely see it in his small frame, but I'd know it instantly, for I was the one who took it.

"Sorry for the hold up, I know you guys run a pretty tight schedule."

On my screen were the familiar faces of Ben, Zayn, Wesley Lane, head of Penguin Random House, and Lucy, his assistant.