the story of us |h.s.|

10 - delicate

"is it cool that i said all that?
is it chill that you're in my head?
'cause i know that it's delicate.
is it cool that i said all that?
is it too soon to do this yet?
'cause i know that it's delicate"

Harry.

Today marks day fifteen since the lice incident. Which means, we've been hanging out every day for fifteen days straight.

We haven't spent as much time together as I'd prefer because she's been picking up more hours at the restaurant. Andie, Lennon, and I have become quite the trio, much to Dennie's dismay. We're getting so close, I think she's kind of jealous.

It is getting exhausting being a single-father to 'two' kids though, the small fraction of time that I am. I'd much rather Nadine be there.

Everyday I get closer to breaking down her walls, getting to know the Nadine I once was so familiar with.

Do you think it's fine that I'm thinking about her as much as I am? What if I accidentally let it slip?

This whole thing is so...fragile; delicate.

Yet, I can't get enough. I'm falling back into that rhythm with her. The one where I couldn't stand to be apart from her for more than a day at a time.

And it's terrifying me.

I told myself I wasn't going to get close to her, yet here I am. I only need this for the story, nothing else. Well, maybe I could use a friend. No. I don't want to get close to her. If I continue to do so, it'll only hurt both of us in the end. Myself, I don't care about, it's her.

All of this is because of her.

I don't want to hurt her again. That's why I don't want to get close to her. You can't hurt someone you don't really know anymore.

So, I told myself that I'm doing this because it wouldn't hurt to get back into her good graces after everything. Why she even forgave me for what I did in the first place is something I'll never understand.

It felt weird abusing that breach of trust, so I've decided to actually befriend her. Re-befriend her, more like.

She doesn't need to know about this. Hell, it's not really even about her, just the circumstances she created for us.

I won't indulge her with something that barely even concerns her.

"Daddy!" Lennon's voice sounds from just behind my closed office door. She'd been playing in her room across the hall.

Almost as if regaining consciousness, I remember where I am. The blank page on the screen in front of me reminds me that I've missed my deadline. I'm supposed to have the first two chapters done and I barely have eight full pages.

I spin my chair around, facing the door as she comes tumbling in, Barbie doll in hand.

"Can we play dolls together?" The sheer joy and excitement on her face makes it hard to answer.

"Sorry bug, Daddy's still got some work to do before tonight," her face falls, her bottom lip sticking out in a pout, "but Andie's gonna come over tonight, remember? How cool is that?"

Instantaneously, her lips curl upward into a happy smile. "So cool!" She squeals before turning on her heel and walking back into her room.

My eyes linger on her small frame as she plays with the dolls as my heart sinks in my chest. I should be in there with her.

Just one more book. One more and then I can spend all the time I want with her. Moments like these are ones I'll never get back. She deserves better.